A Top 10 Look at the New Year

Never, ever have I made a New Year's resolution and kept it. I finally stopped making them a few years ago and I actually felt better about not failing miserably by February.

This year is MY nova initia. Translation from Latin is new beginnings. It is my year of discovering who I really am and leaving the past where it belongs. This IS my New Year's resolution. A new beginning.

I have been fairly open about my struggles with bulimia, infertility, postpartum, domestic abuse and the life of a divorced, single mom. Through all these obstacles, I have fought to face my inner demons and heal through the saving grace of Jesus. I have researched and read until I am exhausted at times just trying to find myself in the seasons of my life.

I have been cramming some inspirational reading into my winter break. It recharges my outlook on life and changes my perspective. It reminds me of a movie I love "Eat, Pray, Love". It's about enjoying life's little pleasures in moderation, praying for forgiveness and healing and ultimately learning how to love and be loved.

For all of you ladies (or men) looking to make a list of New Year's resolutions, why don't you look at what you already have and simply improve on it? Moderation, prayer and love.

Here are a list of the top 10 things I would like improve on in 2016:

1. Health- I have to learn that no amount of exercise will overcome bad eating habits. I need to learn to balance the two. Healthy eating habits that fuel my body and exercise that helps me release all of that negative energy. Your body really is a temple.
2. Beauty- when someone tells you that you are beautiful or compliments you, believe them. Yes, this is one of my hardest obstacles, I promise to work on this.
3. Apologies- you simply don't always need to be sorry. It's okay to have feelings. It's okay to be sad, It's okay to be happy. Don't apologize for being you or the feelings you have. They belong to you and no one else. 
4. Acceptance- not everyone will like you or understand you. That's okay. You are not out to please everyone on the earth. Just stay true to yourself but ultimately stay true to God. Yes, you will make mistakes, you will own your choices and you will accept forgiveness if you ask for it.
5. Respect- don't look for the respect of others if you don't respect yourself first. If you don't respect yourself, you do not set the standard of how you expect to be treated. Respect others just as you expect to be respected.
6. Priorities- you make time for the things and people you want. I make time every day for scripture. It's my priority. Also if you are not a priority in someones life, it's time to reevaluate. My church, family and friends know they will always have me in their corner.
7. Relationships- it's better to be alone than to be with the wrong person. Be with the people who make you happy. Period.
8. Body image- it's okay to not be magazine perfect. Airbrushing and enhancing have made women have body envy. Yes, I would like to look better. I also have stretch marks but there was a time in my life when I prayed to be a mom with stretch marks. I earned them and will keep them like a badge of honor.
9. Finances- take charge. I mean learn to manage them correctly. Don't dig a grave of debt trying to keep up and definitely don't go into debt because of the poor credit of your spouse or significant other. This is YOUR credit and/or debt.
10. Confidence- it's time to learn to display confidence. Don't second guess decisions, go with your instinct. Don't cower down, stand tall. Look at yourself the way God sees you. A remarkable person that is loved.

I encourage you to make your own top 10 list. Enhance the woman (or man) that you are and learn a little more about yourself in 2016.

And yes, for all those wondering, I got my first (and only) tattoo. It's on my wrist where I can always be reminded of where I have been and where I am going. Reconciling the past and accepting the future. Nova Initia~New Beginnings.

What Is A Normal Christmas?

I have debated in my mind how I go about writing this post. After much consideration and many prayers, I just came to the conclusion...just say it.

To say the past year has been difficult would be an understatement. I know that there are millions of people out there who are far worse off than I am but for me, this has been the hardest 14 months of my adult life.

I got a divorce and my mom was diagnosed with cancer.

This is not a normal occurrence in my world. At times the life has been sucked right out of me.

The path my life has taken may not be what I planned but I know and I have faith that I will end up where I need to be. This is a bumpy, pot holed filled, curvy, gravel road that will one day end up being smooth pavement.

There is nothing easy about divorce. It sucks. There are emotions that you never imagine until you face the facts and wake up every day to deal with a new set of choices. There are choices that impact you, your family and friends. It was the most terrifying time because my kids were always first on my mind and the choices are not always clear.

My girls and their well being are always the first thing I consider. I want to be the best mom I can possibly be and do my best to set a good example. A Christian single mom who wants nothing more than for these girls to follow Jesus.

I wish I could say that our everyday life is perfect but it's not. I'm a single mom raising two strong willed teenage daughters. We are constantly compromising and learning how to navigate our new life.

Yes, I am human so I stumble and occasionally fall. When I fall there is not other choice but to get back up and try again.

But you know what? I kept going. And going. And going. And going.

I fell hard the day my mom called to say she had inflammatory breast cancer. This wasn't supposed to happen. I was in the middle of my firestorm of life and had to quickly shift gears. How could I juggle all of these life changing events?

I felt bruised, scraped and broken. How do I get up now Lord?

The hardest thing was not being able to fix her. Heck, I couldn't fix my own broken marriage so how was I going to handle this? My dad was always the fixer and since he passed, we have just sort of cruised along. Now it was time to sink or swim and sinking was not an option!

I watched her hair begin to fall out after chemo began. One day she decided she had enough and took out a set of clippers and shaved her hair off.

The day she began to comment about the girls hair being so beautiful, I knew she longed to have her hair back. She donned a wig every day but I'm certain, as a woman, she longs to be able to shampoo and style her own hair.

Then came the surgery and complications. The day I saw her incision, things became very real. Cancer had become our enemy and she was in for a fight.

I cannot imagine all of the emotions that she must go through every day. I know what I experience every day but I am not the one facing cancer. I'm angry, she's angry. I'm frustrated, she's frustrated. My heart breaks for her and I know her heart breaks for me.

My mom is a worry wart but she is also the one of the toughest women I know. She grew up on a farm where hard work was not a choice, it was a way of living. She ran a hay baler and could probably work circles around me if it wasn't for this disease making her weak. As a teenager, I know she took me down in a wrestling move a time or two just to put me in my place.

Under all of this tough exterior you will find the heart of kindness and compassion. It is very evident that she is loved. The family and friends who have helped and prayed for us through the last year can never be thanked enough. If it weren't for them, I don't know how we would have made this journey.

When I look at the legacy that I am passing down to my girls, I pray that they know that whatever the future holds, they have been raised by strong women. That they can face and conquer whatever life brings and the power of prayer is what gets us through. No matter how many times life knocks you down, you don't quit. You smile at the people that encourage you and most of all you smile at the haters.

Yes, there are some days when I have so much on my mind that I feel like I'm actually losing my mind. Unless you have walked a mile in someone's shoes, save the judgment. Treat everyone with kindness and forgive often.

This is not my normal life but it is real and I am very thankful for those who have stuck by my side and supported me during the waves of emotions. Then add my beautiful girls who make me crazy and complete. They all have made me laugh on days when I just wanted to stay in bed and avoid life.

So this Christmas is very different from any of the others. It is not our normal holiday season. We are survivors celebrating in a different season of life. This is a Christmas to look at life a little differently and appreciate what the birth of a baby in Bethlehem meant for all of us.

Luke 2: 10-11
But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord"

I am so thankful for all you readers because you inspire me every day to be a better person. You will never know how much your encouragement means to me.

May you all have a blessed Christmas!

Holidays Filled With Holes and Hope

It's the most wonderful time of the year.

The time between Thanksgiving and Christmas will remain my favorite season. It's the lights that brighten the dead of late fall and early winter.

To me, there is nothing more magical than watching the reflection of Christmas lights in the eyes of children. From the time they are babies, you could look at their eyes and see the magic that the twinkling of lights create.

Last winter, my youngest daughter wanted to walk through a park filled with lights. As we strolled through the path adorned with festive Christmas lights, I noticed all the families taking in the sights. To see and hear the excitement in the little voices that ran from display to display was priceless. I took the time to really soak in that spirit of Christmas.

In this month filled with Thanksgiving, I think about those cherished memories from my childhood.

I remember those holidays spent in both my grandparents tiny homes and how it filled every possible space with family and friends. The laughter and their memories being shared were things I took for granted at the time. Now as I look back, they are cherished memories of a family that I am blessed to be a part of.

The hole left by the passing of my grandparents and my dad have made me truly appreciate the family that I have remaining.

I have a mom battling cancer, aunts and uncles facing health issues and many relatives scattered between states. Some people struggle with the loss of jobs, loved ones, homes, relationships and some simply lose faith. There are holes that are left.

There was a time when I struggled to have faith after the loss of two pregnancies. Now I can be very thankful that I was blessed with two beautiful daughters.

Without the holes, we fail to see the hope. The hope that comes from the new.

New babies, new friends, new jobs, new homes, new beginnings.

You see, with a hole there is a hollow space. This space will need to be filled.

That is why we must cling to hope. We hope that things will turn out for the best. We believe and we trust that the holes will be filled.

A few days ago I heard a song that was once a favorite of my oldest daughter. She danced and twirled around every time it would play on the radio. Often, she would ask me to dance with her and as I held her and we twirled around, she seemed so peaceful with the words and melody of the song. During this time, I gazed at this beautiful child that calls me "Mom" and the hope I thought was lost was now restored.

I Hope You Dance

By Lee Ann Womack

 

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance
I hope you dance

 

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Livin' might mean takin' chances, but they're worth takin'
Lovin' might be a mistake, but it's worth makin'
Don't let some Hellbent heart leave you bitter
When you come close to sellin' out, reconsider
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance

I hope you dance

 

My friends, may your holidays holes be filled with hope, peace, grace, kindness and love.

The Un-Comfort Zone

Isaiah 30:21
If you stray to the right or to the left, you will hear a word that comes from behind you: "This is the way, walk in it."

Recently at a church meeting, we were given the task of discussing certain visions and needs in our church.

Working in a small group, I made a startling discovery about myself and my own comfort zone.

Normal is comfortable to me. I like to blend into the scenery rather than being seen. Being ordinary, living an ordinary life is what is comfortable to me.

I like to sit in the same spot at church. I have the same routine every Sunday. We arrive a little early, I help get the coffee nook running. I speak the few people who stop by to make their cup of coffee or to others as I take my spot toward the back of the sanctuary.

There are people I see almost every Sunday morning. People I am familiar with and who make me comfortable in our beautiful building that is filled with history.

Then it's time to step out of my comfort zone. When the Pastor says "Let's take a few minutes and greet your neighbor".

I stand up and cannot move. It's not that I'm paralyzed with fear but I do not feel comfortable stepping out to intentionally greet others.

Why is it so hard for me to step out of my comfort zone?

I occasionally help with our Saturday night community service that is held in the building adjacent to our sanctuary.

There are people from other churches that attend and I find myself speaking to them as we serve their meal. We form a line for communion and we rest our hands on the person in front and pray for them.

So why is it so hard for me to leave my pew?

I will admit that I do struggle with meeting new people. There is rise that creeps up my spine and makes me very nervous. Most people would never suspect it because I give a smile but inside I am a bowl of jello.

The fear of rejection and my lack of trust is what I believe keep me in my comfort zone. I may not get the response I expect or I may say the wrong thing and become tongue tied. That fear keeps me in my zone of what is comfortable for me.

How do I overcome these things?

I have to rely on the advice a classmate gave me a few months ago.

My friend Dot and I were talking about how I felt I always let the wrong people into my life and I asked her why I make such bad choices. She looked at me and said "Kim, you're going to have to learn to close your heart to some people. God will let you know which ones to let in."

Why didn't I ever think of that? It was because I needed that friend to tell me what I needed to hear.

She wasn't saying I needed to put up a wall but I needed to be still and let the Holy Spirit be my guide.

So, I am working on greeting people, making new friends and really listening to those whispers and guidance that only God will provide.

With practice, I will eventually learn to be comfortable in the un-comfort zone.

My soul feels a greater peace now knowing that I am a becoming the woman God created me to be.

What drives you out of your comfort zone? Can you you overcome those feelings to take a step out of your comfort zone?

The Invisible Act of Grace

Do you ever feel as though you are invisible? Like what you have to say or how you feel are insignificant? Like you are nothing?

I have been there. I found myself being a third party of a conversation but as harsh words were exchanged, I wondered "Why am I here?"

It was if they were having the conversation and I was merely there for entertainment purposes. When I spoke, it was not acknowledged. I was the third wheel.

I stood there feeling completely insecure and insignificant. It was painful.

Jesus doesn't see us that way. He sees us as worthy children who are valued. He listens to what we have to say even when we may think He is too busy to listen.

During those times when you feel undervalued, always remember that with God you are priceless.

How I am feeling is not who I am. God sees my hurt.

You are important and what you have to say is important.

It is a constant reminder that the enemy works overtime producing those feelings that make us feel less than zero. When these thoughts and feelings start to bubble, this is when I say "Jesus, be my shield". It may be said several times during the day until that shield is fulling engaged and my mind is set back where it belongs.

Going through the wilderness may seem like a long, exhausting journey. For some the wilderness lasts for many seasons and others may find their journey only lasts a little while. God will not keep you in the wilderness.

When that journey takes you to a place where you feel invisible and insignificant, always remember the hope that God's word gives us:

1 Peter 1:6
You now rejoice in this hope, even if it is necessary for you to be distressed for a short time by various trials

The way we feel, our emotions, do not give us a free pass to treat others with the same hurt we may be feeling. This is the time when we have to dig deep and do the opposite of how we feel in that moment of hurt.

Jesus did not leave me in the wilderness. He was with me and stayed with me as a friend does.

I prayed constantly for this issue to be resolved, for eyes to be opened and any selfish motives be removed. I prayed to forgive them. It burned in my heart and in my mind for weeks.

The day finally came when I had my own selfish thoughts revealed.

I was so angry over this incident that one morning as I was running I had a horrible thought. I said to myself "I would just like to jab a nail in her tire and teach her a lesson. I want her to experience some type of distress". I knew my thoughts were not aligned with God's word but I could justify it because I carried this anger and hurt.

Two hours later, God gave me my wake up call. My low tire light came on. Yep! I received what I had wished on someone else like a boomerang.

I was the one who received the nail and that is when I knew I had to change my prayers over this matter.

At that moment, my prayer for them became filled with blessings. I needed to let go of my own selfish hurt and choose to turn it over to the Lord.

Several months after this encounter that left me feeling like nothing, I was surprised when I received an apology 4 days from the time I decided to change the way I was praying.

In my heart, I knew I was carrying bitterness, anger and hurt feelings. I shed many tears and asked God to help me get through this time.

I will not forget the incident but through the act of grace, I accepted the apology.

Friends, always remember that we have to be patient. God does not leave you in the dark places to suffer, He takes you there to make you grow.

I'm Not That Person

As  a little girl, I would sit and daydream about my future. I drew countless pictures of my dream house, inside and out. I planned my wedding by listing my bridesmaids based on who ranked as my favorite friends.

How simple life was back then. The dreams. The future. The innocence.

Year after passing year, those dreams changed. A sort of reality took its place.

I still remained a dreamer but those dreams began to take a different shape. They began to mature and become real.

My first job.

My first car.

My first love.

My first broken heart.

My house plans sit on a shelf collecting dust.

All of the swirling dreams of a little girl began to shift to worries of a young woman. The place is set where fantasy collides with reality.

So, how do we as grown ups keep dreams alive?

It begins with searching your heart. What dream has God placed within you? Are you pursuing your dreams?

I know for me, keeping the dream alive takes a great amount of stillness and soul searching not to mention the part where I have to demonstrate self control and give up my own selfish thoughts. It is so hard to dive deep into yourself and become totally honest.

What is even harder is to be patient and not try to control the pace. It makes me want to clinch my fists and scream. Why do dreams have to be so hard for me? Why am I so afraid to fail? Why does this path seem so narrow and crooked? Why Lord why do I feel like I take 1 step forward and 2 steps back? Why does my mind keep searching the past for answers rather than looking toward the future? Why do I seem to be stuck in the hard places?

Yes, I am truly grateful for all that I have and praise Him but he also sees a very ugly side of me. The one that asks the hard questions, has doubts and worries but never fails to tell Him that I love Him and to be patient with me. I am truly doing the best I can on this path called life.

If you are searching your dreams, try to begin by focusing on the positive things then move to the middle and include any murky, swampy, waters that you are afraid to cross on your own. End that search with thankfulness. Become thankful for the ugly middle that brought you to this very honest search and conversation with Christ. Give thanks that He is on this journey with you and you are not alone.

I am not that person who gives up the dream. I want to keep my dreams alive.

I am not that person who doesn't ask questions. My mind continually thinks.

I am not that person who I once was. I want to be this new version.

Life has changed me. It has made me a little broken, a little lonely, a little scared and a little empty but also a little healed and able to share a little bit of love.

I am that person who is a little rough around the edges. Some days I fail to see all the goodness as pursue my dreams so Lord please keep making me.

Acts 15:7-9 (NIV)
After much discussion, Peter got up and addressed them: “Brothers, you know that some time ago God made a choice among you that the Gentiles might hear from my lips the message of the gospel and believe. God, who knows the heart, showed that he accepted them by giving the Holy Spirit to them, just as he did to us. He did not discriminate between us and them, for he purified their hearts by faith.

Call of Duty

Duty calls. It seems like the business of volunteering has once again taken center stage.

Many hats. Much time. Zero energy.

When we are in service to others, it is one of the greatest rewards we can give. We give a tiny bit of our lives to someone else. A priceless gift.

To me, there is nothing more rewarding than serving others.

Sometimes that service comes at a price.

I become mentally and physically exhausted. I feel like I am not giving 100% effort and failing to serve in the way I envision.

Deep down, I have a fear of failure. Failure to live up to my own expectations.

While there are days when I am drained, my legs ache and I feel like I have nothing more to give I am reminded that I can do more.

A few hours of sleep can do wonders for the body and soul.

When I lay down, I turn what I may be feeling over to God.

Every failure.

Every sin.

Every mistake.

Every worry.

I ask Jesus to forgive me and to help me forgive others. It is a constant, never ending process.

After I turn everything over to Him, I give thanks.

Colossians 3:17
Whatever you do, whether in speech or action, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus and give thanks to God the Father through him.

During those times when I feel drained, God never ceases to amaze me. I can look back on the week and see how He has woven bits of encouragement into my life. He is the Great Artist and we are His masterpiece.

He restores my faith when I feel I have none.

He give me hope when I feel I am lost.

He gives me love when I feel unloved.

The days when I feel I want to give up serving others is when He breathes life back into me. Sometimes it's very subtle, like a small bit of energy just when I need it. At other times, it's a jolt of full throttle adrenaline that makes me feel like I could move a bus.

I always remember that this is what I am called to do even when I feel drained. Serve.

He reminds me that I am to serve others with the heart of a servant. Even to those I do not want to serve. You know, the ones that are hard to love.

I am to give back to others the gifts that He gives me every day.

Grace. Peace. Faith. Hope. Love. Kindness. Forgiveness.

Some days these gifts are easy to give to others but there are those days that I struggle. My two biggest struggles are forgiving others and showing grace.

Forgiveness and grace are my work in progress. If I want to receive the full gifts that Christ wants me to have, I must serve others in every way. Especially on my struggling days.

Let Jesus into your heart and let Him fill your life with the abundant gifts that He longs to give. Then take that gift and share it with others. Even the ones that are hard to love.

1 Peter 4:9-11
Open your homes to each other without complaining.  And serve each other according to the gift each person has received, as good managers of God’s diverse gifts. Whoever speaks should do so as those who speak God’s word. Whoever serves should do so from the strength that God furnishes. Do this so that in everything God may be honored through Jesus Christ. To him be honor and power forever and always. Amen.

And the Rain Came

Dear Friends,

Do you ever feel as if you are on a rollercoaster? The day starts out simply clicking ahead. You are moving upward and forward. You seem to coast along for a short while. You take a sharp turn. You are thrust forward and feel as if you are freefalling to the bottom. It's fast and terrifying.

A mentor of mine whispered to me one day, "Kim, you know that the enemy will try his hardest when you are making a breakthrough. He will come at you with all his might and try to destroy you."

She was absolutely right. He wants to separate us from the love of Jesus.

Our path is under construction. A constant state of construction. We are becoming refined, renewed and refreshed every day.

Isiah 61:6 (MSG)
They’ll rebuild the old ruins,
raise a new city out of the wreckage.
They’ll start over on the ruined cities,
take the rubble left behind and make it new.

Somedays my construction is delayed by the weather. Most often it is rain. Rain that comes in the form of weeping.

I will honestly admit that I am full of emotions. I weep when I'm happy. I weep when I am sad. I laugh when I'm happy. I laugh when I'm sad.

I cannot help that I am full of emotion. That is the way God made me. I would rather someone see me cry than be the person who stands there emotionless.

When the tears fall like rain and I'm in the state of freefall that I rely on my faith to catch me.

I think there are just days where we are not certain. Are we following the right path? If we are on the right path, why does it seem like we took a dead end or detour?

God gave me the ability to come to Him when I feel uncertain.

This is God's plan to construct us even when we feel as though we are lost in the abyss of construction. When we drop to our knees and plead for the rain to stop. When we are blinded by the pouring rain and trust that God will get us safely to our destination.

The day will come when we will experience the excitement of the rollercoaster ride rather than the fear. The letting go of the bar with your hands in the air, screaming in delight.

The day when the rain stops, the path is clear and beautiful. The sun is shining and we are basking in the abundance of the day.

Until then my friends, follow the winding road. Take the detor. Turn around if you need to. Exit the rollercoaster and fall back in line.

The ride isn't over.

It is only just begun.

Psalm 116:8-9
You, God, have delivered me from death, my eyes from tears, and my foot from stumbling, so I’ll walk before the Lord in the land of the living.

Humble and Forgiven

2 Corinthians 2:10-11
If you forgive anyone for anything, I do too. And whatever I’ve forgiven (if I’ve forgiven anything), I did it for you in the presence of Christ. This is so that we won’t be taken advantage of by Satan, because we are well aware of his schemes.

Do you ever look back and think of a time when you could have handled something differently? I sure do.

I know there have been times when I have messed up so terribly that I can't think of a way to make ammends.

Maybe it was a "knee jerk" reaction.

Harsh words said from hurt feelings.

Talking rather than listening.

Trying to prove I'm right rather than doing what is right.

The truth is, we all have experienced our share of messes. The real truth is once it's done, it can't be undone.

Some of the things we create in our mess do not reveal who we really are. Sometimes they come from a place of such deep hurt that we simply cannot conceal it.

The pressure that we put on ourselves in our journey can be overwhelming. We push forward and try to do our best and then...WHAM! We find ourselves clinging to the end of a rope and we feel as if no one sees or hears us. We feel alone in the wilderness.

We made a mistake.

We knowingly committed a sin.

We unintentionally committed a sin.

We are humiliated.

We made a mess.

We feel like a failure.

The truth is we are not any of these feelings.

The experience may make us feel like a spiritual failure. We are now insecure because of the perfection we expect. The only perfection we should seek does not come in human form.

He is molding you. He is not finished with you. He sees you.

I have learned as I get older that trying to make ammends requires a great act of courage. The courage to say you have messed up and the courage to ask someone for forgiveness.

Giving or recieving forgiveness does not mean forgetting. It means making peace with yourself and with others.

With God, once you humble yourself to ask for forgiveness it is removed.

Don't ever forget your value. You are priceless in the eyes of the Lord. You are a blessing. You are forgiven.

Proverbs 3:5-12 (The Message)
Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
don’t try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
he’s the one who will keep you on track.
Don’t assume that you know it all.
Run to God! Run from evil!
Your body will glow with health,
your very bones will vibrate with life!
Honor God with everything you own;
give him the first and the best.
Your barns will burst,
your wine vats will brim over.
But don’t, dear friend, resent God’s discipline;
don’t sulk under his loving correction.
It’s the child he loves that God corrects;
a father’s delight is behind all this.

One More Chance

2 Timothy 3:15-17
"Since childhood you have known the holy scriptures that help you to be wise in a way that leads to salvation through faith that is in Christ Jesus.  Every scripture is inspired by God and is useful for teaching, for showing mistakes, for correcting, and for training character, so that the person who belongs to God can be equipped to do everything that is good."

Excitement begins again.

When the new school year approaches, memories creep into my mind. All of those first days of school I have experienced make me yearn for one more. My time experiencing those days are quickly disappearing.

In the midst of the chaos of motherhood, you long to remember those days when you held that tiny baby in you arms. Both those baby girls are now teenagers and present their new list of demands.

No more rushing to make a bottle for the child screaming to be fed. Now they drive to pick up their own food.

No more diapers to be changed or tiny clothes to wash in Dreft. Now their clothes and mine are often shared.

Some days I would like a chance to rock my baby girls to sleep one more time. To hold them and watch them drift off to sleep. To be able to treasure that time not knowing it would be the last.

One more bath where you struggle to hold a slippery baby with one arm while maneuvering a wash cloth and soap with the other.

Oh those precious memories.

Just let me walk them into their Pre-k class one more time. Sadly, that is all we get. One chance.

Time passes too quickly.

There was a time when I would pray that God would keep them safe. I still pray that prayer but over the years, I have added.

"Dear God,
Please keep my children safe. Keep their friends safe. Help them to make good choices. Let them do things that are pleasing to you. Let them walk in faith. Let them be a light. Let them never forget that they are loved. One day bring a man of God into their lives that will love them unconditionally and lead their family to be Your faithful servants."

Over the years I have spent a little time in our local public schools and in the Sunday school classroom. I have mentored, read, volunteered and served as many times as I could.

During those times I have learned to be an active listener. An active listener really focuses on what is being said.

I have always felt in my heart that some kids are not heard. They are seen for who they are on the outside rather than what they have in their heart.

At times, I felt that some needed to be heard more than others. Those students are the ones I always wanted to ask questions to engage their mind and let them know that I was really listening to them.

I hope they remember that. There is a different feeling when you see someone you have actively listened to. They believe that someone cared enough about them to just listen.

I was not an active listener to my own kids at times. There were demands of motherhood, work and stress in general that stole away some precious moments. Today, I am doing my best to be that active listener in my own home.

This school year, I plan to practice hospitality more often. I want every person who steps through my door to know that they are welcome.

I am mentally taking a different approach to this new beginning. Savoring every precious memory before these last few school years are a distant memory.

Cherish those who care, those who need to be heard, those that have nothing to offer in return. You may impact someones life in a way you never imagined.

You only have one chance at life. One chance to make a difference.

Show someone you care today and let them know that what they have to say is important.

Teach them well. Be a listener. Have a servants heart.

Making My Way

"I prayed to the Lord and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears" Psalm 34:4

How are you?

I admit I am going to miss that question a little. It was the first question my counselor would ask as soon as she would see me.

You see, I kind of graduated and I am very proud of that fact. Five months ago, I wasn't sure that day would come but I worked hard and faced every difficult situation with every ounce of determination I could spare.

The question has changed. Who am I now?

It's a question I ask myself several times a week. I know who I am but exactly who am I becoming?

There are days where I am so confident I scare myself. I am bold and fearless and feel like there is nothing that I cannot accomplish. I love those kinds of days.

It seems as if those confident days are followed by days of worry, anxiety and trying my hardest to trust people. I detest those kinds of days. My mom always told me hate was a strong word so I try not to use it but it fits here. I hate those kinds of days.

Those worry filled days that I hate are actually the ones I should be thankful for. Those days are the ones that drive me to my knees asking God to give me faith and be my shelter and shield. Times that I lean on His to be my rock and fortress because I am weak.

I know I am not the person that I was. I have to admit that some days I do worry about the path I am on. Am I enough? Will I stumble? Will I stay the course? Will I wait patiently? Will my dreams become reality?

The future is a scary but exciting thing. For so many years I lost hope in what the future was and now I find myself reprogramming my mind to stay hopeful for what the future has in store for me. Hopeful for what God has in store for me.

One of the best feelings I have is when I share pieces of me with others. Small tokens to let someone know I have thought about them. A text, card, note, gift, or sharing something I cooked are ways I want others to know they matter.

That is who I am. The person who prays every day to show as much love, care, kindness and respect to others as I can.

This reminds me of a recent instance where I felt called to share with someone who needed encouraging.

My oldest daughter was preparing to take her driving test. We practiced, I raised my voice, she protested and we were both frustrated by the time we entered the DPS office.

I was nervous for two reasons. She was either going to fail the test and be devastated or she was going to pass and be ecstatic. Either way meant some fear for the next chapter in our lives. A teenager behind the wheel without her Mom.

As she was taking her driving test, a dad and his daughter were leaving the office. He asked if I was a nervous mom and of course I replied yes. We chatted about his daughter who just failed the parallel parking portion of the test. You could tell by her face that she was upset and it truly broke my heart. As we talked, I told her that tomorrow was another day and she would do much better the next time.

After my daughter returned with a huge smile, I knew that she had passed but my heart was with the girl that had just failed. She needed more than what I had just said to her. It was an undeniable tug to share something with her.

As we left the parking lot, I noticed a car practicing in the parallel parking section. Both my girls asked why I was driving over there and I explained I had to finish something I started.

I rolled down the window and the young girl rolled hers down. I shared with her that she needed to be confident and let the past stay where it belongs. I let her know we had faith that she would pass the next test and if she felt insecure, she just needed to ask Jesus to be with her and take away her fears.

Her dad nodded in the passenger seat as I poured out what was on my heart and she wiped away a tear that ran down her cheek. My ecstatic heart pounded as I drove away and I said silently "Thank you God for pushing me to share."

Who I am becoming cannot be measured. It can only be felt by those who can see what is in my heart.

"We were glad to share not only God’s good news with you but also our very lives because we cared for you so much" 1 Thessalonians 2:8

Part of My Story...I'll Run Until I Finish

I shared this with my church family as I renewed my baptism. This is a glimpse into the story that has shaped me into the person I am today.
The love that I felt after sharing this was overwhelming.
Thank you all for your support and kindness. I am truly blessed.

I know that listening to testimonies can be hard to relate to at times. I pray that no one in this sanctuary ever has to feel so broken that you don't know which direction to move. For some, brokenness is easy to see but with others, you never know what story lies behind the carefully placed smile.

This is part of my story.

I was born on Mother's Day at Fort Sam Houston, San Antonio. I was placed with my adoptive family when I was 16 days old and legally adopted the following year on Groundhog Day. I was baptized as an infant, confirmed into membership and attended church regularly but there was something missing. The church I attended during my childhood wasn't the place where I sought comfort when I needed it or joy when I wanted to celebrate. I was simply a pew dweller.

During my teenage years, I made some really bad choices. My lack of self esteem made it easy for me to punish myself and act in a way that would gain the acceptance of others. What I really needed was to feel the unconditional love of Christ but at the moment it was the furthest thing from my mind.

When I became a young, married adult, the years I struggled with infertility were often spent alone and feeling like I was a disappointment. Words like that you try to forgive but you never forget. I felt that God was punishing me and I was a failure.

I became very good at hiding my emotions. I needed to present myself as the good daughter, the good wife, the good friend, the good employee and the good girl. Most of my friends and family had no clue how turbulent my marriage was and I built a wall out of fear that my secrets would be discovered. I kept trying to hold things together because I took my marriage vows seriously. For better or for worse. I was desperately trying to honor God and not disappoint Him.

I was losing hope year after year and thought this was as good as my life would ever be. I was miserable and too afraid to use my voice. My life was far from what I dreamed of as a little girl. I wasn't confident and courageous enough to put my full trust in God and let Him lead my on the path I needed to follow.

Shortly before we gave our cardboard testimonies last year, things began to click in my mind. It was like a revelation. God wasn't punishing me I simply wasn't following where He was leading me. He was listening to my prayers when he gave me 2 beautiful, healthy daughters who are my beginning, middle and end. They are my future and my legacy.

In October 2014, I decided it was time I listen to God's gentle voice. It was the start of a renewed life which would involve healing and starting over. I would come to accept that I am not a failure. I am a good mother. I am worthy. I am deserving of love. I am important. My life does matter.

I have learned to be still and listen. I pray without ceasing some days. I have learned to accept who I am becoming even if it pushes me out of my comfort zone. I am not worried about pleasing others or what opinions others may have of me because they do not define me. I am who God says I am and He has plans to good things in my life. I want to do good things with my life.

When I came to Pastor Leah and told her about what God has placed on my heart regarding my baptism, I knew I was on the right path. When she gave me a list of scripture options, today's scripture from Jeremiah is one I wrote it in my prayer journal months ago. A friend gave me a birthday card with that scripture not knowing that I read it daily. That verse gives me peace in my heart and soul.

Reaffirming my baptism would be the next step but the hardest part would be stepping out of my comfort zone and giving part of my testimony. Yes, part of it.

There are parts to my story that I am not strong enough to share with the rest of the world at this moment. Letting others see my pain has been very uncomfortable but healing at the same time. I have found the strength to trust my complete story with a very close circle of people who I know will pray for me.

My counselor has helped me process through some very painful events and I know God is with me every step of the way. He always has been.

God always gave me courage and strength when I needed it most. In the past few months, when I felt paralyzed with fear and anxiety, I prayed Psalm 91 many times during some very long nights. I knew I had to trust God and have faith. He would keep us safe and not let anything harm me or my girls. I refused to give up hope.

My bruises and scars are not visible. They are all hidden deep from your view. They are wounds that a band aid cannot fix. The only healing will come from seeking a deeper relationship with God.

I asked God to forgive the sins of my past and I realized He forgave me a long time ago. Now it was time for me to forgive myself and focus on healing.

My life has slowly begun to get back on track. There have been so many times that God revealed His works that I have a hard time keeping track. One example was finding a place to live.

My house was under contract and I was desperately searching for a place to live. Jill Hennig knew about my situation and mentioned that her mom would be moving to Wesley House. Although she planned to move in while her house was being remodeled, she sacrificed her needs for mine. So, a few months ago on a very busy Easter weekend with a bunch of teenagers and a few friends who gave up their Saturday, we moved. It was chaos. It was exhausting. There were many tears shed when Pastor Leah (straight out of the shower) came to bless our new home. It was the first time I had a house that had been blessed and it was a feeling beyond words

That night after everyone left and I was locking up, my oldest daughter met me at the door. I knew I was being led in the right direction when she wrapped her arms around me and said the words I will never forget. "Mom, you are the strongest woman I know and I am very proud of you." WOW!

A few weeks ago when both of my daughters were on Mission Trip, little did I know how our story would come full circle.

My youngest was assigned to Chez Hope, a crisis center for families of domestic abuse. When they returned home, we talked about all the little hand prints on the walls and the people who come there during their life storms. It was then that she realized how our story was similar to those she served and how God provides shelter and comfort to those who need it most.

I want my girls to know that no matter what they do in this life, nothing can separate them from Jesus love. As women, most of us crave love. We give love and we want to receive love. We nurture and we make homes that we fill with our love. Faith, hope and love but the greatest of these is love.

In the midst of my storm, my mother was diagnosed with inflammatory breast cancer. Once again, the enemy was trying to test our faith. What the enemy doesn't know is that we have an army of prayer warriors that send up prayers for all of us every day.

It is amazing that God has led so many new faces into my life. Some of the old faces have remained constant but the new ones have shown me the path I would like to travel. A life filled with kindness and love, even to those who have nothing to offer in return. Life really is filled with amazing grace!

I am truly thankful that God has given me these seasons of my life even what seems like the long, dreaded winter. If He hadn't given me these seasons to live through, I don't know that I would be developing a closer relationship with Him.

Jesus shed His blood on the cross to save us. That is a relationship I cannot ignore. My relationship with the Lord has to be first and honored above anything else. This renewed relationship has brought me to a new spring and summer. It is now my time of rebirth and renewal. A hopeful future just as the Prophet Jeremiah wrote:

"For I know the plans I have for you" says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope" Jeremiah 29:11

11 years ago, I found my way to this church and what a blessing it has been.

What has happened to me is not as important as what is happening in me.

I'll share the words to a song I was recently introduced to. It reminds me of the race batons Carolyn Gray gave the confirmation class a few years ago.

"I have decided
Determined, I'm committed
That I'll run
No matter the cost

And I have decided
Determined, I'm committed
That I'll run
Even though at times I may get lost

I'm going to finish my race
I'm going to take my proper place
In the winning circle

I'm going to run anyway
I don't know where or when or how
But I know that I'm going to make it

Oh, I'll run this race
Nestled safely in amazing grace
I've made up my mind and I don't have much time
But I'll run till I finish"

http://www.incourage.me/

Searching for Something Bigger

Waiting in a hospital can give you time to sit and think.

You look around a waiting room full of people and wonder what their story is. Why are they here? Is their friend/loved one worse off than mine? Where are they from? So many questions.

Some wait alone and some are there with crowds of people.

One thing they all have in common is the love for whoever they are waiting for.

One the first day in the waiting room, I was the one who sat with a crowd of people. People who helped pass the time. They made me laugh and they made others around us laugh.

The poor guy who was assigned to search for families to give them updates from surgery had more misses than hits. But we rooted for him. We encouraged him that eventually he would find the family he was searching for.

Isn't that part of who we are? The people who long to be searched for?

Proverbs 2:3-5 "Call out for insight, and cry aloud for understanding. Seek it like silver;
search for it like hidden treasure.Then you will understand the fear of the Lord,
and discover the knowledge of God."

Every day we are given the chance to search for happiness in our day. We interact with people who are searching for happiness. They are the people we are drawn to.

Happy people make happy lives. Happy lives make happy hearts. Happy hearts are filled with love.

On the second day in this waiting room, I sat alone for quite a while. It's not because my friend/loved one was loved less, it simply was not something that was planned.

It gave me a chance to sit and be still. I unplugged from life for a few hours and searched for God.

He never ceases to amaze me.

I was thinking about a friend of mine and praying for them when they called. I was searching and found them right there on the other end of my phone.

On my drive home that evening, I turned my radio off and continued to unplug. My mind needed a rest.

As I made my way to the red light, I noticed a man standing on the corner holding a sign. I was mentally preparing for my car to be stopped next to the man and assumed he was asking for money. I am always reluctant to give money to people standing on street corners.

Today, the sign was different. As I approached, rather than looking the other direction, I stared directly at the sign and read these words:

"God loves you!"

I found what I was searching for right there on a street corner. I desperately needed that reminder and tears began to flow.

Never end your search. We always need to be found when we feel lost. It truly is amazing grace!

1 Chronicles 16:9-11" Sing to God, sing praises to him; dwell on all his wondrous works! Give praise to God’s holy name! Let the hearts rejoice of all those seeking the Lord! Pursue the Lord and his strength; seek his face always!"

http://www.incourage.me/

Band Aids Don't Fix Everything

I remember the day when my oldest daughter was 3 and another little girl pushed her off a toy she was riding on. Big tears flowed and her feelings were genuinely hurt. This was a playmate of hers that she dearly loved but at that time it was confusing to her that someone she cared for could be mean to her.

Toddler minds are wired differently and it took every ounce of strength I could find to not grab the toy back to stop the tears from flowing down my little girls face. It was part of letting her experience hurt from someone she cared about. It was part of life.

The two would apologize within a few short minutes but at that time, her hurt was real. I'm sure her little mind didn't understand how her friend could be mean but being a child, their attention span is short.

By the afternoon, they were laughing and playing like nothing ever happened.

1 Peter 1:6 NLV "With this hope you can be happy even if you need to have sorrow and all kinds of tests for awhile."

We have all experienced these kinds of hurts. Maybe it happens to your child, a family member, friend or to yourself. Maybe you have been the one to hurt someone you never intended to hurt.

We cannot control the actions or words of others but we can control how we react to them.

Sometimes life makes us rushed and in that rush we may act or say things that are not taken the way intended. This is often the case with text and e-mail. Our tone or words may not be received as we planned.

Maybe we cut a phone call short. Maybe we just wave rather than taking 10 seconds to say hello.

In our hurried life, sometimes we don't take the time to make friends and family feel like they matter. If we are going to spread the love of Jesus to those around us, lets make sure that we also include the ones that we care for most. The ones that care for us the most.

We take the time to be kind to strangers because we would like for them to have a positive impression. Do we take the time to give that same kindness to those who are are biggest supporters?

I know I can be guilty of not taking the time to be a good family member or friend. I always know they will understand. But what if that was the last time we see each other again?

I am sure the families and friends left behind after all of these horrible shootings would like to have one more opportunity to tell their family member or friend that they are loved and that they matter.

Life can be rushed, we can get stressed but let's try to be patient and kind with those who we care for most. It can be a minute of your life that can make a difference to someone else.

That 1 extra minute could be priceless. Sometimes our time is better than a band aid.

Colossians 3:13-15 "Try to understand other people. Forgive each other. If you have something against someone, forgive him. That is the way the Lord forgave you.   And to all these things, you must add love. Love holds everything and everybody together and makes all these good things perfect.  Let the peace of Christ have power over your hearts. You were chosen as a part of His body. Always be thankful."

Can We Be Real?

To say that I have been jogging my memory lately would be an understatement. It's more like a marathon than a jog.

I have been creating a timeline of the events that shaped my life. All of them. The good, the bad and the ugly. It's not that I want to do this but more of I need to do this because I want so badly to keep moving forward and trust again.

I remember the time when Martha Stewart was my hero. So was Oprah. They both had these magazine cover lives that I envied. Their lives seemed picture perfect.

Trying my very best, I would imitate things I saw on their shows or in magazines in hopes that this was my golden ticket to a happy life. I made my own compost because Martha did it and it looked so easy! I read Maya Angelou because Oprah said it was the next book for her book club. I made myself crazy trying to create their version of perfection.

The reality was Oprah and Martha had hundreds of people to help them pull off perfection and they were never perfect themselves. Oprah openly discusses her struggles with weight and other issues and Martha went to prison.

The truth was my life was messy. A carefully constructed wall to hide the ugliness. Something makeup and dressy new clothes could not hide.

Colossians 3:13 MSG
So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It’s your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it.

I am leaving that version of messiness behind for another version. My own brand of messiness. The path that God has placed in front of me. The kind of messiness that makes memories and make you laugh until your sides hurt. Life that is filled with love.

Perfection is not here on earth.

I live in clutter. I downsized by about 1000 square feet. I have yet to completely unpack because we will be moving again soon. But, you know what? I like it!

Yes, some days it is frustrating to locate things or when you remember that it may be in a box in storage. It's challenging having 3 girls sharing 1 bathroom but we make it work. This is our life now and it's far from being the cover of a magazine. It's real, it's forgiving and it's loving.

I had to learn to let go of picture perfect perfection. It's not who I am and it's not real. Yes, my house needs to be vacuumed daily, there are dog toys everywhere, the girls rooms are a mess and my towels are not perfectly hung on the towel racks but that is who we are. Imperfect.

As soon as I think I have sorted, organized and decluttered, it all mysteriously reappears. A never ending cycle of chaos that has made me very comfortable.

The girls have welcomed more of their friends into our tiny duplex than in any other house we have lived in. I believe it is because we have become so comfortable that it makes others feel comfortable. It's filled with love and free from judgement.

So what if my patio furniture occupies 1/2 of my driveway because I don't have a backyard? It is still my quiet place or the noisy place where kids yell, park their bikes, shoot hoops or drive up and honk just to see if they can scare me. I like it!

I have embraced the fact that life on earth will never be perfect. It is that perfect love of Jesus that I now want to consume me. No fears, just love.

1 John 4:18

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

Places In This Momma's Heart

May seems like a month of celebrations. At least it is in my family.

We have many friends and family members celebrating birthdays in May, plus there is Mother's Day and the end of the school year. My oldest daughter and I both have birthdays in May. We jokingly say all good babies are born in May!

You can say last month was a special month in my heart. May is the month I first held a living, breathing child in my arms that I carried and protected for 9 months. Those long months were filled with daily shots and medication that would help me carry this precious baby to term.

During those years of anguish and struggling with infertility I did not rely on The One that never left me. God. Yes, I prayed but I lacked in faith. For many years I felt I was being punished for my past sins. I was terrified God would take away what I prayed for the most.

Recently I was asked to tell about my life achievements. I gave only one. Being a Mom. I am not a perfect mom but I am a mom to 2 lovely girls and I am proud to be called "Mom" or "Momma Kim" by many other kids that I know and love.

I think back to all the years I held so much envy and resentment in my heart toward the women who gushed about being pregnant or the moms who complained over lack of sleep, dirty diapers and spit up. Why couldn't I have all of those things that they complained about? Why was God punishing me?

I had prayed for forgiveness from my past sins so why wasn't God forgiving me?

It wasn't until many years later that I realized two very important things.

First, God doesn't answer prayers on my time line. We are on God's timeline and it wasn't that he was saying "no", he was saying "not yet". 

God knows the life he has planned out for us. He has counted the hairs on our head and he knows what is best for us. Proverbs 19:21 says "Many are the plans in a person's heart but it the Lord's purpose that prevails".
I knew what was in my heart but I had to be patient and wait for my prayers to be answered.

Second, it wasn't God that was punishing me. I had asked for forgiveness and He had forgiven me the moment I lay my burdens down years ago. I was punishing myself. I was listening to all the things Satan had filled my head with and it was time I realized that God's word is the truth. It was time I regained my spiritual life and start over with a new perspective.

Embracing this fresh new start is an example of the many times God is working behind the scenes to keep me on the path He is laying in front of me.

I know in my heart God placed these precious children in my life at the time when I needed them the most. He knows what I need and when I need it.

Looking back in my prayer journal, I remebered the first time I went to pray at another local church. I had been struggling emotionally and it seemed as if I was sliding back into a pit where I had struggled for so long to dig myself out of. There was a precious little girl in the church that day and as I said hello to her though the tears in my eyes, she knew exactly what I needed. Love.

She climbed up in my lap and gave me the biggest and most honest hug at a time when I felt very broken. I know God sent me to that church that day and put that little girl there because that was exactly what I needed at the time. I kissed her on the head and told her she had just made my day.

Sometimes this Momma heart gives all the love she can to everyone around but at times, this heart just needs to be refilled with all the love God can give. Just when I need it the most.

1 John 3:20

Even if our hearts condemn us, God is greater than our hearts and knows all things.

When Life Gives You Lemons...

I like lemons. I like lemon flavored things in the spring and summer. Lemon cake, lemonade, lemon pie, lemon chill and the tea I make that is half lemonade/half tea.

Lemons by themselves can taste bitter or sour.

Some days, life can be bitter or sour. There are some days I am very bitter but I put on my brave face and face the world. My bitterness is tucked away like dirt swept under the rug. No one wants to see a bitter person.

During those days when life seems to be handing me a bag of lemons, I turn to one of my favorite scriptures from Joshua 1.
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go"

How can I remain bitter when God is with me? I know I can be strong and courageous but some days I just want to be bitter. This is the Enemy getting into my thoughts. He is trying to bring the thoughts back into my mind that I am unworthy and disposable.

For many months, I have been working on regaining my self esteem and confidence. I look back at my prayer journal on days when I feel bitter and see how far I have come in 6 months. Then I become proud of how many steps forward I have taken. It is so easy to let the Enemy take over my thoughts if I am not careful and take steps backwards.

On a recent visit with my counselor, she planned a session to work on my lack of self esteem. I sat there and said silently "Dear God, help me". He did. I struggled at times and wept as I tried to find the words to explain what my drawing of a tree meant. I looked up a few times to see tears in her eyes as she sat and watched me struggle through some difficult emotions. She was giving me the grace that I needed to make me not feel judged and the compassion I needed to work through that exercise. In the end, she asked about the trunk of my tree. I confidently stated that the trunk was stable and strong. That was me! Stable and strong, able to withstand hurricane force winds.

If you can sympathize with the struggles, I urge you to look up a Bible Study called "Your Life Still Counts: How God Uses Your Past To Create A Beautiful Future" by Tracie Miles. There has not been one chapter that hasn't reduced me to a puddle of tears. It is so difficult some days to see myself as a beloved daughter of God.

I have to remind myself that healing does not happen overnight. It is a gradual process. I take baby steps so that I don't feel like I am a failure which makes me take a step back. I refuse to take a step back so I remain steady on my path to a beautiful future filled with peace, hope and love.

I have so much love and kindness to give to others and it excites me to see that part of my future. I love to help others even when they have nothing to offer in return. That is what makes my heart full.

There is no better feeling in the world to feel accepted and loved. The innocence of a child come to mind. They are not bitter. They are happy, laugh, run and have no worries. They sleep at night because they trust.

During Lent, my church gave out red stones to symbolize the blood that was shed for us. I gave one away to someone who helped me on a day when I felt unworthy and disposable to remind them that Jesus loves them too. I replaced the one I gave away and sometimes I get it out of my purse and simply touch it to remind me that I am loved.

The next time bitterness tries to creep into your mind,  be aware that it is the Enemy at work and fall into the words of God that speak the truth.

You are worthy. You are loved. You have a purpose.

"Finally, let's draw near to the throne of favor with confidence so that we can receive mercy and find grace when we need help" Hebrews 4:16

http://www.incourage.me/