Can We Be Real?

To say that I have been jogging my memory lately would be an understatement. It's more like a marathon than a jog.

I have been creating a timeline of the events that shaped my life. All of them. The good, the bad and the ugly. It's not that I want to do this but more of I need to do this because I want so badly to keep moving forward and trust again.

I remember the time when Martha Stewart was my hero. So was Oprah. They both had these magazine cover lives that I envied. Their lives seemed picture perfect.

Trying my very best, I would imitate things I saw on their shows or in magazines in hopes that this was my golden ticket to a happy life. I made my own compost because Martha did it and it looked so easy! I read Maya Angelou because Oprah said it was the next book for her book club. I made myself crazy trying to create their version of perfection.

The reality was Oprah and Martha had hundreds of people to help them pull off perfection and they were never perfect themselves. Oprah openly discusses her struggles with weight and other issues and Martha went to prison.

The truth was my life was messy. A carefully constructed wall to hide the ugliness. Something makeup and dressy new clothes could not hide.

Colossians 3:13 MSG
So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It’s your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it.

I am leaving that version of messiness behind for another version. My own brand of messiness. The path that God has placed in front of me. The kind of messiness that makes memories and make you laugh until your sides hurt. Life that is filled with love.

Perfection is not here on earth.

I live in clutter. I downsized by about 1000 square feet. I have yet to completely unpack because we will be moving again soon. But, you know what? I like it!

Yes, some days it is frustrating to locate things or when you remember that it may be in a box in storage. It's challenging having 3 girls sharing 1 bathroom but we make it work. This is our life now and it's far from being the cover of a magazine. It's real, it's forgiving and it's loving.

I had to learn to let go of picture perfect perfection. It's not who I am and it's not real. Yes, my house needs to be vacuumed daily, there are dog toys everywhere, the girls rooms are a mess and my towels are not perfectly hung on the towel racks but that is who we are. Imperfect.

As soon as I think I have sorted, organized and decluttered, it all mysteriously reappears. A never ending cycle of chaos that has made me very comfortable.

The girls have welcomed more of their friends into our tiny duplex than in any other house we have lived in. I believe it is because we have become so comfortable that it makes others feel comfortable. It's filled with love and free from judgement.

So what if my patio furniture occupies 1/2 of my driveway because I don't have a backyard? It is still my quiet place or the noisy place where kids yell, park their bikes, shoot hoops or drive up and honk just to see if they can scare me. I like it!

I have embraced the fact that life on earth will never be perfect. It is that perfect love of Jesus that I now want to consume me. No fears, just love.

1 John 4:18

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.