"Dear friends, let's love each other because love is from God and everyone who loves is born from God and knows God" 1 John 4:7
Love.
Yes, that four letter word. It is such a small word but yet it holds so much power.
We often associate it with feelings or emotions.
The word love is mentioned 310 times in the Bible. It is mentioned more times than the word believe.
Think of all the song titles with the word love. "Love Me Two Times", "I Want To Know What Love Is", "Bleeding Love", "Can't Help Falling in Love", and "I Will Always Love You".
Even song titles express love in many forms. Lost love, forgotten love, searching for love, first love.
As a parent you feel love the moment you see your child for the first time.
You receive love in many forms: from family, friends, a spouse, a significant other, a child, a pet.
But how do you give love?
Do you offer it freely to others or does it come with conditions?
Love should be a direct response to others. A smile, a hug, a compliment. The more you give love, the more you receive. However you have to be willing to give it freely.
One of my favorite times is when I have been gone for a few days and the moment I walk in the door I am met with love. I don't expect my kids to always greet me that way but it sure does make my heart leap. I didn't tell them to respond to me that way. They did it in response to their love for me.
Giving love should never come with a condition or thoughts of repayment. It is one of the few things we can give for free and it should not have a price.
Understand that love is not a blurry line.
You have to recognize bad love in order to receive and give good love.
If the way you communicate with your friends, family and others involves anger, losing your temper, yelling, slamming doors those things are not love. Those responses are most often communicated by not loving yourself.
Love yourself first and set standards from the inside out. When you set those standards for loving yourself it makes giving love so much easier.
I absolutely love when people stop by my office. It may be a coworker, a customer, a friend, or a family member that stops just to chat for a moment. I love that they feel welcome and maybe it's because they feel loved there.
There is nothing that makes my heart happier than the friend that always ends a conversation with "I love you".
Love is peaceful, Love is calm. Love is safe.
Yes, we have disagreements with others or differences of opinions but when we can show or give love in spite of your differences, that is where the power lies. Controlling your own response to differences starts with loving acceptance. We accept that people do not have the same opinions but yet we love them anyway.
There are those times when love is hard. There will be people we cross paths with that make it difficult to love. In those times we learn that although we may love those people, we can love them from a distance.
If you have either traveled with me or shared time with me at any time you know I am a magnet for strange encounters. It is usually strangers who feel they can tell me anything or tell me about certain events in their life.
I have to admit my usual first response is "why me?" but after a few moments I know that by just listening I am giving them the love that they need in that moment. Just someone who will listen.
This week I challenge you to share love each and every day. A smile to a stranger. A hug to a friend. A phone call or text to someone you haven't talked to in ages. Tell someone you love them.
It doesn't cost you a thing but can mean everything to someone else.
Sunday, August 19, 2018
Sunday, July 29, 2018
A Smorgasbord of Basic Beliefs
"Train children in the way they should go; when they grow old, they won't depart from it" Proverbs 22:6
Over the span of many weeks I have written down the ideas that evolved into this post. This morning these creative ideas came together in the form of basic beliefs. I have many thoughts regarding the beliefs I want instill in my girls. Some I learned from my parents when I was a teenager and some I have learned in the past few years.
One thing is constant. As parents, our children look to us for direction, instruction and an establishment of rules to follow. Every family is different in what rules they set in their house. I have learned by trial and error. Heavy on the errors.
I have never believed in a "cookie cutter" approach to rules so feel free to agree to disagree with what I am about to say.
Over the span of many weeks I have written down the ideas that evolved into this post. This morning these creative ideas came together in the form of basic beliefs. I have many thoughts regarding the beliefs I want instill in my girls. Some I learned from my parents when I was a teenager and some I have learned in the past few years.
One thing is constant. As parents, our children look to us for direction, instruction and an establishment of rules to follow. Every family is different in what rules they set in their house. I have learned by trial and error. Heavy on the errors.
I have never believed in a "cookie cutter" approach to rules so feel free to agree to disagree with what I am about to say.
- Monitor your child's social media especially if you have teens or pre-teens. What they post and project is for the public to see. Colleges and potential employers will look at their social media to see if there are any red flags. It is best to head off potential disaster before it smacks you in the face. I am not saying they will not secretly post things that are hidden from you but I will address that a little later.
- Teach you child early what is acceptable as far as friends or a future soul mate. If they choose friends that are a non-believer, you already have a huge hurdle if you are a believer. That is not something can be easily overcome. I am not saying people cannot convert and we should always pray for them but if you enter into a relationship (friends or romantic) with a non-believer, you are setting yourself up for a world of hurt. Ask the new friend where they attend church and if they don't, ask them why. I am not saying to judge them based on their religious affiliation but these are things you need to be aware of as a parent. These are people who could influence your children and the foundation you are trying to establish.
- Train them early to serve others. We live in such a "me, myself and I" society that so many people will not serve others unless there is something in it for themselves. We cannot send our children into the world to only think about themselves. That is called selfishness and we need to train our thoughts to think about others not just ourselves. We should be willing to do things to help and serve others not think about what is in it for me. Both of my kids have been on mission trips. I have served in many capacities as a volunteer. It is such a rewarding experience to give back to a community. I have shared many great moments with great people in the kitchen at our former church. I loved every minute of it!
- Secrets don't make friends. This is a fine line to walk. Yes I believe in privacy. Yes I believe in being open. My kids know my cell password and most of the time I remember theirs. Until my kids are old enough to pay for their own cell phone, then I have the right to see theirs if I ever suspect anything. Even though they do not pay for mine, I would not keep anything or view anything on my phone that I would keep a secret. They may have a DM or chat sent on their social media page that is hidden from the public eye. If they are saying or sending things that are inappropriate this is where you could possibly stop something from becoming an erupting volcano that you never knew existed.
- Set an example by what you share on your own social media. Here is where I may step on some toes. Don't post anything you would not allow your child to post. That means selfies, memes, jokes or anything else that you would ground your child for posting. Now men/dads/husbands, would you allow your teenage daughter to post a pic where she was scantily clad or not wearing anything? If the answer was no, then think about some of the pictures or websites you view. Same thing applies to women/moms/wives. If you don't want to see your child posting it, don't look at something similar with your own eyes. Your "likes" can be seen by others. Ouch!
- Establish a curfew. Yep, I went old school. I remember having a curfew that coincided by my grade level. 9:00 pm in 9th grade, 12:00 pm in 12th grade. Sometimes there may be special circumstances that are negotiable but those are on a case by case basis. Thankfully, I have been fortunate enough that I really haven't had curfew violation with my kids. I have been flexible and luckily most of the time they are at home and not running around. Thank goodness!!
- Don't tell lies. If you sew the seeds of dishonesty, you will have to reap what has been sown. If you openly lie in front of your kids, what message does that send? Do you want them to lie to you? If the answer is no you would not want your child to lie to you, then it's time to get honest with yourself. Lies always catch up with you. Maybe not today or tomorrow but they eventually will.
- Educate them on the value of a dollar. Nothing in life is free. Even when a child is too young to earn money themselves they should respect what they have been given. If they destroy a toy or break their cell phone and we just automatically replace it, what message does that send? That everything in life is replaceable? I hope we put more value on our possessions and teach our children to work hard for them. Give them age appropriate chores.
- Lastly, teach them to know that when they enter a romantic relationship, they should love exclusively. If they are dating, they shouldn't be dating the masses. It's not speed dating. It's not entering into a relationship with someone only until something better comes along. If there are red flags present, consider it a learning experience and move on. When you give your heart to someone, you should value that love and care for their heart. If it cannot be exclusive, then it shouldn't be anything at all. There should be some type of exclusive commitment present if you are using the words "I love you". If there is not, then do not say those three words.
- Be open. Be open to discussion. Be open to communication. If you are parenting with the mind set of "it's going to only be my way", then you are closing the lines of communication with your children. Sometimes you should actively listen to what your child is trying to say and when they ask for an explanation try to give a valid reason and not just "because I said so". I realize that many rules are not up for discussion but pick and choose what you are willing to make compromises on.
Maybe some of these points have made you stop and think or at least re-evaluate things you could be doing differently. Some of you may have completely checked out and decided that none of this applies to you. That's okay. It is perfectly acceptable to not see eye to eye on many of the beliefs I have shared.
If your kids are perfect in your eyes, good for you. You are an anomaly in the parenting world.
This is what has worked for our family of three. It's hard being a single parent. It's hard being a married parent. However in today's society our kids are exposed to many more things than I was at their age.
Even if you have made parenting mistakes, it is never to late to start over with whatever point you are at with your children. Start with yourself and become the person your kids look up to as a role model. How do you treat others? Your kids watch how you interact with people.
If you would ground your child for doing something you deem inappropriate, then don't do it yourself. This should not be a "do as I say, not a I do" society.
It is up to us as Christian parents to change the direction our young people are headed. Create a legacy you can be proud of to be passed down from generation to generation.
I make parenting mistakes all of the time.
Being a parent a constant education in learning what works and what doesn't and what I can do better.
Being a parent is a constant reminder of two things that I love dearly. My girls.
This is what has worked for our family of three. It's hard being a single parent. It's hard being a married parent. However in today's society our kids are exposed to many more things than I was at their age.
Even if you have made parenting mistakes, it is never to late to start over with whatever point you are at with your children. Start with yourself and become the person your kids look up to as a role model. How do you treat others? Your kids watch how you interact with people.
If you would ground your child for doing something you deem inappropriate, then don't do it yourself. This should not be a "do as I say, not a I do" society.
It is up to us as Christian parents to change the direction our young people are headed. Create a legacy you can be proud of to be passed down from generation to generation.
I make parenting mistakes all of the time.
Being a parent a constant education in learning what works and what doesn't and what I can do better.
Being a parent is a constant reminder of two things that I love dearly. My girls.
Sunday, May 20, 2018
The Diary of a Single Parent
"The moment you were born, God awakened the purpose He put within you and He is attentive to that purpose every day of your life."
Being a parent is challenging. Being a single parent can be beyond challenging.
You may have found yourself in that role by various means: death, divorce, incarceration, unplanned pregnancy or some other circumstance. It may not have been a choice of your own but you are now leading the life that you probably never imagined.
For some of us, we are living a life filled with mistakes or embarrassment and feeling like somehow we have failed a basic test in life.
This is my honest and transparent glimpse at navigating my life as a single parent. I am hovering around 1,000 readers, so prayerfully this will touch someone who needs encouragement.
I always knew I wanted to be a mom. The role that I dreamt of as a girl was much like the home I was raised in. A traditional nuclear family with both a mom and dad.
That is barely a memory of the life I live today. A single mom raising two teenage girls.
I play dual roles. I do not get a break. My social life mostly involves one or both of my girls. There isn't partying or staying out late as portrayed on TV or in the movies.
Do I get bitter at times? Absolutely.
I do not expect people to understand the complex feelings I have at times. I do not expect people to understand why I look tired some mornings because I woke up at 3 am to overthink. I do not expect people to know that I worry about what would happen to my girls if something happened to me. God forbid that would happen but it is a concern.
A have a running joke with a friend that we divorced, single moms live on the Island of Misfit Toys. We feel like we don't really belong with the married families. We don't fit in with the singles crowd. We have our own secluded island. One where we live with our kids and try our best to make happy lives. We welcome everyone who feels like they are a train with square wheels.
A solo parenting gig involves juggling so many things at once that it becomes exhausting. We do not have anyone to bounce ideas off of or help make decisions. Things are often repaired or decided with the help of You Tube or Google.
You find yourself researching for months before purchasing a car for your teenager. You don't want to buy something too new. It has to be safe. It cannot be a gas guzzler. A army tank is safe but not quite practical to park in a school parking lot.
It's a never ending, non-stop thought process in raising kids solo. Some days you feel like you conquered the world and accomplished so much only to realize that choice just landed you three steps back financially.
There is tuition to plan for. Unexpected school necessities. A new laptop for classes. Constant financial issues to balance.
Let's not give too much time to the mix of emotions that you deal with. We get all of them. The good, the bad and the ugly. And we try to manage all of them without losing our temper or becoming frustrated because if our own emotions get involved, you just added another temperature setting to the pressure cooker of emotions ready to blow.
And have I already said we don't get a break? Have I said it's exhausting? Have I said I pray a lot?
As tiring as it all can be, one thing that has happened is I have forged a deep relationship with my girls. The moment I realized I was in this alone, my parenting as well as my outlook at life took a completely different approach. Sometimes we have no choice in the cards we are dealt in life but we can choose to make the best of whatever hand we have been dealt.
I feel I am a much more effective parent now than when my kids were toddlers. The biggest difference is when I was married I lived and raised my girls on my own 90% of the time and that left me very resentful towards their dad. I let those feelings control me and it left me unhappy, intense and unapproachable to many people. While that behavior wasn't typical for me, it was the persona of who I had become.
It took about 10 years for me to realize I was the only parent they could depend on and that was when the change slowly occurred. I became very aware of my words and how they have power to give life or death. I became calm and at peace. I am not saying I am void of my high strung moments but overall I became more positive about life. I forged a new relationship with God.
While there is no one that can take the place of an absent parent, one person can make a difference in filling the empty space. I came to have peace with that fact after my former pastor reminded me that sometimes an absent parent is not a bad thing. So I will fill that void by any means necessary.
I have cheered the girls on in every event they have ever participated in. I know that when they look into the stands or audience, they will see my face and they smile. It brings joy to my heart and peace to theirs knowing their biggest fan is there.
Some nights I lay in bed at night when the rest of the house is quiet and I think about any selfish thoughts that may have taken over that particular day...
I wanted I break. I need a vacation from life. I'm exhausted.
I remind myself to try to enjoy all of these bad days because one day very soon this house will become too quiet.
The girls will venture out of my house and into the world. They will choose their own careers. They will make their own homes. They will raise their own families.
I hope they remember that no matter what we faced in life, that they can do things on their own. I pray they will both have someone who can love them and lead them well but I hope they always remember that they can be strong on their own.
While I am not writing this to have acknowledgement or praise, I do want to raise awareness. Single parents do need love and support. We keep a lot of things bottled up. Sometimes we just crave a hug just so we feel a little special.
If you are a single parent reading this, here's a virtual fist bump to you. You're doing a great job!
Being a parent is challenging. Being a single parent can be beyond challenging.
You may have found yourself in that role by various means: death, divorce, incarceration, unplanned pregnancy or some other circumstance. It may not have been a choice of your own but you are now leading the life that you probably never imagined.
For some of us, we are living a life filled with mistakes or embarrassment and feeling like somehow we have failed a basic test in life.
This is my honest and transparent glimpse at navigating my life as a single parent. I am hovering around 1,000 readers, so prayerfully this will touch someone who needs encouragement.
I always knew I wanted to be a mom. The role that I dreamt of as a girl was much like the home I was raised in. A traditional nuclear family with both a mom and dad.
That is barely a memory of the life I live today. A single mom raising two teenage girls.
I play dual roles. I do not get a break. My social life mostly involves one or both of my girls. There isn't partying or staying out late as portrayed on TV or in the movies.
Do I get bitter at times? Absolutely.
I do not expect people to understand the complex feelings I have at times. I do not expect people to understand why I look tired some mornings because I woke up at 3 am to overthink. I do not expect people to know that I worry about what would happen to my girls if something happened to me. God forbid that would happen but it is a concern.
A have a running joke with a friend that we divorced, single moms live on the Island of Misfit Toys. We feel like we don't really belong with the married families. We don't fit in with the singles crowd. We have our own secluded island. One where we live with our kids and try our best to make happy lives. We welcome everyone who feels like they are a train with square wheels.
A solo parenting gig involves juggling so many things at once that it becomes exhausting. We do not have anyone to bounce ideas off of or help make decisions. Things are often repaired or decided with the help of You Tube or Google.
You find yourself researching for months before purchasing a car for your teenager. You don't want to buy something too new. It has to be safe. It cannot be a gas guzzler. A army tank is safe but not quite practical to park in a school parking lot.
It's a never ending, non-stop thought process in raising kids solo. Some days you feel like you conquered the world and accomplished so much only to realize that choice just landed you three steps back financially.
There is tuition to plan for. Unexpected school necessities. A new laptop for classes. Constant financial issues to balance.
Let's not give too much time to the mix of emotions that you deal with. We get all of them. The good, the bad and the ugly. And we try to manage all of them without losing our temper or becoming frustrated because if our own emotions get involved, you just added another temperature setting to the pressure cooker of emotions ready to blow.
And have I already said we don't get a break? Have I said it's exhausting? Have I said I pray a lot?
As tiring as it all can be, one thing that has happened is I have forged a deep relationship with my girls. The moment I realized I was in this alone, my parenting as well as my outlook at life took a completely different approach. Sometimes we have no choice in the cards we are dealt in life but we can choose to make the best of whatever hand we have been dealt.
I feel I am a much more effective parent now than when my kids were toddlers. The biggest difference is when I was married I lived and raised my girls on my own 90% of the time and that left me very resentful towards their dad. I let those feelings control me and it left me unhappy, intense and unapproachable to many people. While that behavior wasn't typical for me, it was the persona of who I had become.
It took about 10 years for me to realize I was the only parent they could depend on and that was when the change slowly occurred. I became very aware of my words and how they have power to give life or death. I became calm and at peace. I am not saying I am void of my high strung moments but overall I became more positive about life. I forged a new relationship with God.
While there is no one that can take the place of an absent parent, one person can make a difference in filling the empty space. I came to have peace with that fact after my former pastor reminded me that sometimes an absent parent is not a bad thing. So I will fill that void by any means necessary.
I have cheered the girls on in every event they have ever participated in. I know that when they look into the stands or audience, they will see my face and they smile. It brings joy to my heart and peace to theirs knowing their biggest fan is there.
Some nights I lay in bed at night when the rest of the house is quiet and I think about any selfish thoughts that may have taken over that particular day...
I wanted I break. I need a vacation from life. I'm exhausted.
I remind myself to try to enjoy all of these bad days because one day very soon this house will become too quiet.
The girls will venture out of my house and into the world. They will choose their own careers. They will make their own homes. They will raise their own families.
I hope they remember that no matter what we faced in life, that they can do things on their own. I pray they will both have someone who can love them and lead them well but I hope they always remember that they can be strong on their own.
While I am not writing this to have acknowledgement or praise, I do want to raise awareness. Single parents do need love and support. We keep a lot of things bottled up. Sometimes we just crave a hug just so we feel a little special.
If you are a single parent reading this, here's a virtual fist bump to you. You're doing a great job!
Saturday, December 30, 2017
What No One Tells You About Starting Over
Hey there gang, it's been a while.
I have received a few messages about my lack of blogging and here is the short version...
Nothing has motivated me to blog. Until now.
2017 has hit me with so many changes. After 20+ years with the same employer I left in search of something new that would ignite the spark I was losing. In January I began a new chapter with some really great coworkers about an hour and a half from my hometown.
I desperately needed something new and this was the perfect fit for me. What no one ever told me was how hard it would really be.
The commute had me leaving at 6:30 am and not returning home until 7 pm most evenings. I felt like I was missing out of my girls life. It was as if I was a guest in my own home and I despised life on the road. I now had employees to manage and new responsibilities to juggle.
Don't misunderstand, I like my new job but these were changes I wasn't 100% prepared for.
I knew relocating was the next step but where exactly would we land? It wasn't just about me. I had to find something that would suit all 3 of us. Clearly this was going to be a huge impact on our future.
After many weeks of searching and visiting school districts, we found something that was a great fit for my high school student and things fell into place with my college student making the quick decision to stay with us and apply to a different college. We were all moving together and things would be perfect right? Not even close.
Around Labor Day, my high school student developed a case of homesickness. She dearly missed her friends and family back home. Thank goodness for my mom stepping in with words of wisdom along with my college student who really gained a new level of maturity. We had this minor detour taken care of and could now resume our perfect life in a new town. Right? Not even close.
Somewhere amidst what I considered a new beginning for us, I lost myself.
All of the newness had taken a toll on me. Mentally and physically. My comfort zone had been breached.
Maybe it was a coincidence or simply years of built up stress that have led to my digestive tract issues but they are here as a daily reminder that stress can make you sick.
After a few doctors appointments, scans and blood tests the doctor determined there wasn't anything wrong with my digestive tract. I beg to differ because I feel it on a daily basis. On to a second opinion in the months ahead.
Then there was the mammogram and the call to repeat my mammogram. What? My issues were with my digestive tract not my breasts. The only thing I could think of were my girls. I was overthinking but I was preparing for the worst.
Being alone in that room awaiting the results of my second mammogram have hands down been the longest and scariest hour of my life. When the nurse returned and started speaking I felt my stomach drop.
There I was all alone and scared.
Then she said the words that made emotions burst like a volcano. "Your mammogram was fine". After giving me time to collect myself, I began texting and calling the people that I trusted my secret with and who I knew had been praying for me.
All of the emotions I have tucked away over the years have began to bubble to the surface for me to confront. The hurt, the loneliness, the grief. It never left.
This has by far been the toughest holiday season since my dad passed away several years ago. You see he was the one who always made sure I was taken care of without hovering over me. He was always there to give simple, to the point advice and skipped the lecture part. Oh how I wish he was here to give me advice and help me make educated choices.
There has been too much newness and it came at me all at once. A new job, new responsibilities, new town, new friends, new doctors, new pharmacy, new cleaners, new church. As exciting as it sounds, for me it has been overwhelming.
Some days I come home and I change clothes and go straight to bed. I am mentally exhausted. I am physically exhausted from being mentally exhausted. I think. I overthink. I yearn for someone to tell me that everything will be okay.
I was once the girl that had a spark. That wasn't afraid of a challenge. The girl that knew most everyone in town. That took the charge when leading. I never felt like I didn't belong.
Where did she go? Somewhere this year I lost her.
That girl has lost her spark. She no longer wants a challenge. She knows virtually no one in her new town. She is scared to be the leader. She feels like she is completely alone. She feels as if she doesn't know where she belongs.
These are the things no one tells you when you start over. Prepare yourself. I wasn't prepared for so many losses
I have probably shed more tears in private this year than ever before. This year has challenged me in ways that I never imagined. This is my own purgatory. I don't belong in my old life but I haven't found where I fit into my new life.
So what happens next?
The girl that has found herself lost in 2017 will find herself again in 2018, I am declaring I wlll find my spark again. I will again feel the confidence on the inside that I try to project on the outside.
Why am I sharing this? It is not because I want pity or reassurance. I am sharing this so that others know that just because someone looks like they have it together on the outside does not mean that they are not falling apart behind closed doors. You are not alone. Life is always changing. Some people just hide it better than others.
We are all unique but we are not alone.
So as this year comes to a close, don't be afraid to start over in 2018 but be prepared to face some losses. Don't think of it as something bad. Think of it as preparation for something better.
If you are feeling like you are lost in life, I pray that you find your way.
When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust and am not afraid. What can mere mortals do to me? Psalm 56: 3-4
I have received a few messages about my lack of blogging and here is the short version...
Nothing has motivated me to blog. Until now.
2017 has hit me with so many changes. After 20+ years with the same employer I left in search of something new that would ignite the spark I was losing. In January I began a new chapter with some really great coworkers about an hour and a half from my hometown.
I desperately needed something new and this was the perfect fit for me. What no one ever told me was how hard it would really be.
The commute had me leaving at 6:30 am and not returning home until 7 pm most evenings. I felt like I was missing out of my girls life. It was as if I was a guest in my own home and I despised life on the road. I now had employees to manage and new responsibilities to juggle.
Don't misunderstand, I like my new job but these were changes I wasn't 100% prepared for.
I knew relocating was the next step but where exactly would we land? It wasn't just about me. I had to find something that would suit all 3 of us. Clearly this was going to be a huge impact on our future.
After many weeks of searching and visiting school districts, we found something that was a great fit for my high school student and things fell into place with my college student making the quick decision to stay with us and apply to a different college. We were all moving together and things would be perfect right? Not even close.
Around Labor Day, my high school student developed a case of homesickness. She dearly missed her friends and family back home. Thank goodness for my mom stepping in with words of wisdom along with my college student who really gained a new level of maturity. We had this minor detour taken care of and could now resume our perfect life in a new town. Right? Not even close.
Somewhere amidst what I considered a new beginning for us, I lost myself.
All of the newness had taken a toll on me. Mentally and physically. My comfort zone had been breached.
Maybe it was a coincidence or simply years of built up stress that have led to my digestive tract issues but they are here as a daily reminder that stress can make you sick.
After a few doctors appointments, scans and blood tests the doctor determined there wasn't anything wrong with my digestive tract. I beg to differ because I feel it on a daily basis. On to a second opinion in the months ahead.
Then there was the mammogram and the call to repeat my mammogram. What? My issues were with my digestive tract not my breasts. The only thing I could think of were my girls. I was overthinking but I was preparing for the worst.
Being alone in that room awaiting the results of my second mammogram have hands down been the longest and scariest hour of my life. When the nurse returned and started speaking I felt my stomach drop.
There I was all alone and scared.
Then she said the words that made emotions burst like a volcano. "Your mammogram was fine". After giving me time to collect myself, I began texting and calling the people that I trusted my secret with and who I knew had been praying for me.
All of the emotions I have tucked away over the years have began to bubble to the surface for me to confront. The hurt, the loneliness, the grief. It never left.
This has by far been the toughest holiday season since my dad passed away several years ago. You see he was the one who always made sure I was taken care of without hovering over me. He was always there to give simple, to the point advice and skipped the lecture part. Oh how I wish he was here to give me advice and help me make educated choices.
There has been too much newness and it came at me all at once. A new job, new responsibilities, new town, new friends, new doctors, new pharmacy, new cleaners, new church. As exciting as it sounds, for me it has been overwhelming.
Some days I come home and I change clothes and go straight to bed. I am mentally exhausted. I am physically exhausted from being mentally exhausted. I think. I overthink. I yearn for someone to tell me that everything will be okay.
I was once the girl that had a spark. That wasn't afraid of a challenge. The girl that knew most everyone in town. That took the charge when leading. I never felt like I didn't belong.
Where did she go? Somewhere this year I lost her.
That girl has lost her spark. She no longer wants a challenge. She knows virtually no one in her new town. She is scared to be the leader. She feels like she is completely alone. She feels as if she doesn't know where she belongs.
These are the things no one tells you when you start over. Prepare yourself. I wasn't prepared for so many losses
I have probably shed more tears in private this year than ever before. This year has challenged me in ways that I never imagined. This is my own purgatory. I don't belong in my old life but I haven't found where I fit into my new life.
So what happens next?
The girl that has found herself lost in 2017 will find herself again in 2018, I am declaring I wlll find my spark again. I will again feel the confidence on the inside that I try to project on the outside.
Why am I sharing this? It is not because I want pity or reassurance. I am sharing this so that others know that just because someone looks like they have it together on the outside does not mean that they are not falling apart behind closed doors. You are not alone. Life is always changing. Some people just hide it better than others.
We are all unique but we are not alone.
So as this year comes to a close, don't be afraid to start over in 2018 but be prepared to face some losses. Don't think of it as something bad. Think of it as preparation for something better.
If you are feeling like you are lost in life, I pray that you find your way.
When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust and am not afraid. What can mere mortals do to me? Psalm 56: 3-4
Monday, November 21, 2016
The Bully or The Hypocrite...Or Both
Let me start off by adding a disclaimer...
I am not a scholar of the Bible or psychology but I am a student. Always learning. This is simply the thoughts of a modern, real life person trying to be the best person I can be. Far from perfect.
Bullying is the use of force, threat, or coercion to abuse, intimidate, or aggressively dominate others. The behavior is often repeated and habitual.
We have all encountered them.
The outraged fan who heckles the officials. The line cutter/lane jumper who sneaks their way ahead of the crowd rather than waiting their turn. The downright grumpy person who lashes out for no particular reason.
Then there are the ones that really hurt. The family or friends that choose to place the blame you or others for their own wrongdoings. The people who call you names or insult you.
We have all met them or even acted like them.
The people we love and care about the most are causing the most hurt. Ouch...
While Jesus was preaching in the Sermon on the Mount or the Beatitudes, he gives reference to bullies (or hypocrites in some text). This can be found in the Matthew 5-7.
“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye."
Specifically, I believe He is giving us a reference to our own behavior. A victim mentality.
Hypocrisy is the contrivance of a false appearance of virtue or goodness, while concealing real character or inclinations, especially with respect to religious and moral beliefs... A consistent finding of psychological research is that humans are fairly accurate in their perceptions of others, but generally inaccurate in their perceptions of themselves.
Aren't we all guilty of feeling angry at the way we are treated? I know I can be at times. If we are to do what is right, it is to take the high road rather than seeking revenge or even thinking that someone else will get what they deserve or even referring to "karma".
He refers to this as "an eye for an eye". Do we really wish people to receive the same harsh words or treatment as they have given to us? That's not the love that Jesus talks about.
“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get?"
This is the hardest part. Love those who have hurt you. Pray for them.
There have been many times where this has put me to the test. Love those who have spoken unkind words. Love those who have treated me unkindly. Love those who have been dishonest with me.
Lord knows I have been guilty of all these things. I would want those people to love me despite my human imperfections.
Forget the things we have done wrong and only focus on the positives.
I know if I have done something wrong, I try my best to be the first to admit I was wrong and ask for forgiveness. I do not want anyone focusing on what I have done wrong once I have gone to someone and asked for forgiveness.
This is where we need to remember that everyone is not meant to stay on your journey. Some are here to serve as lessons for our own actions.
That rude lady at the grocery store. Pray for her, forgive her, forget what happened and move on. The fan in the stands that yells at every call. Pray for him, forgive him, forget what he said and move on. You get the picture?
I hope what you have read serves as a reminder that we are to love each other without judgment or persecution. That is not our job to be judge and jury.
Turning the other cheek or taking the high road is not a cowards response. It is the wisdom learned from the teaching of the Gospel.
“Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called children of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."
If you haven't read the Sermon on the Mount, take a few minutes to absorb the teaching as we are all students of His word.
I am not a scholar of the Bible or psychology but I am a student. Always learning. This is simply the thoughts of a modern, real life person trying to be the best person I can be. Far from perfect.
Bullying is the use of force, threat, or coercion to abuse, intimidate, or aggressively dominate others. The behavior is often repeated and habitual.
We have all encountered them.
The outraged fan who heckles the officials. The line cutter/lane jumper who sneaks their way ahead of the crowd rather than waiting their turn. The downright grumpy person who lashes out for no particular reason.
Then there are the ones that really hurt. The family or friends that choose to place the blame you or others for their own wrongdoings. The people who call you names or insult you.
We have all met them or even acted like them.
The people we love and care about the most are causing the most hurt. Ouch...
While Jesus was preaching in the Sermon on the Mount or the Beatitudes, he gives reference to bullies (or hypocrites in some text). This can be found in the Matthew 5-7.
“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye."
Specifically, I believe He is giving us a reference to our own behavior. A victim mentality.
Hypocrisy is the contrivance of a false appearance of virtue or goodness, while concealing real character or inclinations, especially with respect to religious and moral beliefs... A consistent finding of psychological research is that humans are fairly accurate in their perceptions of others, but generally inaccurate in their perceptions of themselves.
Aren't we all guilty of feeling angry at the way we are treated? I know I can be at times. If we are to do what is right, it is to take the high road rather than seeking revenge or even thinking that someone else will get what they deserve or even referring to "karma".
He refers to this as "an eye for an eye". Do we really wish people to receive the same harsh words or treatment as they have given to us? That's not the love that Jesus talks about.
“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get?"
This is the hardest part. Love those who have hurt you. Pray for them.
There have been many times where this has put me to the test. Love those who have spoken unkind words. Love those who have treated me unkindly. Love those who have been dishonest with me.
Lord knows I have been guilty of all these things. I would want those people to love me despite my human imperfections.
Forget the things we have done wrong and only focus on the positives.
I know if I have done something wrong, I try my best to be the first to admit I was wrong and ask for forgiveness. I do not want anyone focusing on what I have done wrong once I have gone to someone and asked for forgiveness.
This is where we need to remember that everyone is not meant to stay on your journey. Some are here to serve as lessons for our own actions.
That rude lady at the grocery store. Pray for her, forgive her, forget what happened and move on. The fan in the stands that yells at every call. Pray for him, forgive him, forget what he said and move on. You get the picture?
I hope what you have read serves as a reminder that we are to love each other without judgment or persecution. That is not our job to be judge and jury.
Turning the other cheek or taking the high road is not a cowards response. It is the wisdom learned from the teaching of the Gospel.
“Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called children of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."
If you haven't read the Sermon on the Mount, take a few minutes to absorb the teaching as we are all students of His word.
Thursday, September 22, 2016
Lessons Learned From "Toy Story"
I know most people are familiar with the theme song by Randy Newman "You've Got A Friend In Me" featured in "Toy Story".
Here are a few of my favorite lines:
"When the road looks rough ahead"
"You've got troubles and I've got 'em too, there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you, we stick together and see it through"
"And as the years go by, our friendship will never die"
Have you ever given much thought to how loyal are you?
Are you a loyal family member, employee or friend?
We often get caught up in the daily tasks and are often overwhelmed with obligation to the point that we lack loyalty.
Sometimes we get so consumed in me, myself and I that we forget about us and them. We neglect the people and places that have brought happiness into our lives. We forget those who have been there for us during the good times and the bad.
It's hard to live life in balance but lately this subject has weighed heavily on my heart.
Years ago I was forced to make a decision that dissolved a friendship that I had since childhood. I was so torn but I did what I had to do to keep peace at home. Over time, I cherished the memories and the laughter that remained but in my heart I felt grief and my heart was broken.
A little over a year ago, 8 years after the end of that friendship, I received a call that changed everything. My long lost friend reached out to me during my storm. It was a conversation filled with tears, laughter and heartfelt apologies. After 2 hours on the phone, we had reached a point of forgiveness, healing and a new beginning.
Not all friends will stand by you through the joys AND sorrows. I learned a very important lesson. Never leave friends when they need you the most.
In my journey, there was a point when I wasn't sure who I could trust. I felt alone, afraid and sometimes bitter. I prayed some days without ceasing. I wanted to believe the best in people even though life was very difficult at the time.
I have many friends who are separated by miles. We can go months without talking but always seem to pick up where we left off.
I always want to be the loyal friend. That true friend who doesn't tell you what you want to hear but what you need to hear. The friend that will be honest and you will respect them for their honesty. The friend that they know will answer when called. The one that will help them clean up whatever mess they have. The friend who refrains from passing judgment and just listens. The friends you can agree to disagree with.
I want to be the friend who will always come drink a beer and listen to stories. I want to have the friend that will share my stories and inside jokes. The friend that helps me up when I've fallen or pushes me down when I need a dose of reality.
So think carefully about what kind of friend you are and what kind of friends you want to have. Surround yourself with nothing but the best. You don't need an army of friends. Just a few that will be loyal no matter what.
The one friend that will remain is Jesus. In the stillness and the quiet, we know that he is there. He hears our worries and celebrates our joys. Listen to His voice when you choose those friends to share your life with.
Share you life with like minded people. And love your friends well.
Here are a few of my favorite lines:
"When the road looks rough ahead"
"You've got troubles and I've got 'em too, there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you, we stick together and see it through"
"And as the years go by, our friendship will never die"
Have you ever given much thought to how loyal are you?
Are you a loyal family member, employee or friend?
We often get caught up in the daily tasks and are often overwhelmed with obligation to the point that we lack loyalty.
Sometimes we get so consumed in me, myself and I that we forget about us and them. We neglect the people and places that have brought happiness into our lives. We forget those who have been there for us during the good times and the bad.
It's hard to live life in balance but lately this subject has weighed heavily on my heart.
Years ago I was forced to make a decision that dissolved a friendship that I had since childhood. I was so torn but I did what I had to do to keep peace at home. Over time, I cherished the memories and the laughter that remained but in my heart I felt grief and my heart was broken.
A little over a year ago, 8 years after the end of that friendship, I received a call that changed everything. My long lost friend reached out to me during my storm. It was a conversation filled with tears, laughter and heartfelt apologies. After 2 hours on the phone, we had reached a point of forgiveness, healing and a new beginning.
Not all friends will stand by you through the joys AND sorrows. I learned a very important lesson. Never leave friends when they need you the most.
In my journey, there was a point when I wasn't sure who I could trust. I felt alone, afraid and sometimes bitter. I prayed some days without ceasing. I wanted to believe the best in people even though life was very difficult at the time.
I have many friends who are separated by miles. We can go months without talking but always seem to pick up where we left off.
I always want to be the loyal friend. That true friend who doesn't tell you what you want to hear but what you need to hear. The friend that will be honest and you will respect them for their honesty. The friend that they know will answer when called. The one that will help them clean up whatever mess they have. The friend who refrains from passing judgment and just listens. The friends you can agree to disagree with.
I want to be the friend who will always come drink a beer and listen to stories. I want to have the friend that will share my stories and inside jokes. The friend that helps me up when I've fallen or pushes me down when I need a dose of reality.
So think carefully about what kind of friend you are and what kind of friends you want to have. Surround yourself with nothing but the best. You don't need an army of friends. Just a few that will be loyal no matter what.
The one friend that will remain is Jesus. In the stillness and the quiet, we know that he is there. He hears our worries and celebrates our joys. Listen to His voice when you choose those friends to share your life with.
Share you life with like minded people. And love your friends well.
Thursday, August 18, 2016
Where It All Begins
Hello readers!
Yes, I have been missing for quite some time. Chasing my life dreams have actually caught up with me. Raising 2 daughters, college classes, sports, working full time, writers block plus the many extra obligations I cannot turn down have simply consumed my time.
I have worked on this post since May. There have been revisions, rewrites, cuts and finally thoughts began to fall into place.
While I was shopping at Magnolia Market in Waco, I ran across this print. One day this print will hang inside my home as a daily reminder
.
It is generally used during wedding ceremonies and this is where my thoughts began to link to the present state of our nation and how we value each other.
With permission from Donna Beckham, I wanted to share a bit of her post about her change of marital status...
"Twenty years ago on June 1, 1996, I took a vow in front of God, married the man of my dreams and became a wife. Today, on June 2, 2016, my journey as a wife has ended.
Although I never imagined this would happen, and as confusing as it has been, I have finally come to an understanding that this is God's will. I went through the worst storm of my life and came out of it stronger than I ever thought possible! Again, I am happy, I am content and I am at peace.
One of my favorite quotes is 'When we neglect ourselves, we are ultimately neglecting everything and everyone else around us'.
What have I learned from this? Love God first. Don't depend on anyone else to make you happy. Don't settle for anyone who treats you less that a king or a queen. Embrace being on your own. Treat yourself well. Life is too short to be with people who suck the life out of you." ~Donna Beckham
Yes, this is where it all begins.
Life is about the choices we make and our free will to do so. I don't ever believe that God plans for bad things to happen to good people.
We sometimes experience an unexpected. Loss of jobs, marriages, friendships or we have a series of really bad days.
Our happiness can be achieved through love. The love we give and the love we are willing to accept.
As flawed humans, we are given the ability to make our own choices and this is where places of pain, grief and hurt are born. We neglect to show love to ourselves and the people around us. We often forget about the unconditional love that Jesus provides.
What if we changed our thoughts that normally align this scripture to marriage vows and align them with our everyday thoughts, actions and words?
What if we choose to be patient with difficult people?
What if we choose to be kind to everyone we meet?
What if we choose to not envy those who may have more than we do?
I think you get the picture.
Read this particular verse and then read it again. Maybe read it enough that you memorize it if you haven't already.
Then let's take this verse and apply it to our everyday life.
Do not delight in evil.
Always be honest no matter how hard it may be.
Always protect the people you care for.
Never give up hope and always persevere.
Let's love each other without terms or conditions.
1 Corinthians 13 3-7 (The Message)
If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.
Yes, I have been missing for quite some time. Chasing my life dreams have actually caught up with me. Raising 2 daughters, college classes, sports, working full time, writers block plus the many extra obligations I cannot turn down have simply consumed my time.
I have worked on this post since May. There have been revisions, rewrites, cuts and finally thoughts began to fall into place.
While I was shopping at Magnolia Market in Waco, I ran across this print. One day this print will hang inside my home as a daily reminder
.
It is generally used during wedding ceremonies and this is where my thoughts began to link to the present state of our nation and how we value each other.
With permission from Donna Beckham, I wanted to share a bit of her post about her change of marital status...
"Twenty years ago on June 1, 1996, I took a vow in front of God, married the man of my dreams and became a wife. Today, on June 2, 2016, my journey as a wife has ended.
Although I never imagined this would happen, and as confusing as it has been, I have finally come to an understanding that this is God's will. I went through the worst storm of my life and came out of it stronger than I ever thought possible! Again, I am happy, I am content and I am at peace.
One of my favorite quotes is 'When we neglect ourselves, we are ultimately neglecting everything and everyone else around us'.
What have I learned from this? Love God first. Don't depend on anyone else to make you happy. Don't settle for anyone who treats you less that a king or a queen. Embrace being on your own. Treat yourself well. Life is too short to be with people who suck the life out of you." ~Donna Beckham
Yes, this is where it all begins.
Life is about the choices we make and our free will to do so. I don't ever believe that God plans for bad things to happen to good people.
We sometimes experience an unexpected. Loss of jobs, marriages, friendships or we have a series of really bad days.
Our happiness can be achieved through love. The love we give and the love we are willing to accept.
As flawed humans, we are given the ability to make our own choices and this is where places of pain, grief and hurt are born. We neglect to show love to ourselves and the people around us. We often forget about the unconditional love that Jesus provides.
What if we changed our thoughts that normally align this scripture to marriage vows and align them with our everyday thoughts, actions and words?
What if we choose to be patient with difficult people?
What if we choose to be kind to everyone we meet?
What if we choose to not envy those who may have more than we do?
I think you get the picture.
Read this particular verse and then read it again. Maybe read it enough that you memorize it if you haven't already.
Then let's take this verse and apply it to our everyday life.
Do not delight in evil.
Always be honest no matter how hard it may be.
Always protect the people you care for.
Never give up hope and always persevere.
Let's love each other without terms or conditions.
1 Corinthians 13 3-7 (The Message)
If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end
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