"The moment you were born, God awakened the purpose He put within you and He is attentive to that purpose every day of your life."
Being a parent is challenging. Being a single parent can be beyond challenging.
You may have found yourself in that role by various means: death, divorce, incarceration, unplanned pregnancy or some other circumstance. It may not have been a choice of your own but you are now leading the life that you probably never imagined.
For some of us, we are living a life filled with mistakes or embarrassment and feeling like somehow we have failed a basic test in life.
This is my honest and transparent glimpse at navigating my life as a single parent. I am hovering around 1,000 readers, so prayerfully this will touch someone who needs encouragement.
I always knew I wanted to be a mom. The role that I dreamt of as a girl was much like the home I was raised in. A traditional nuclear family with both a mom and dad.
That is barely a memory of the life I live today. A single mom raising two teenage girls.
I play dual roles. I do not get a break. My social life mostly involves one or both of my girls. There isn't partying or staying out late as portrayed on TV or in the movies.
Do I get bitter at times? Absolutely.
I do not expect people to understand the complex feelings I have at times. I do not expect people to understand why I look tired some mornings because I woke up at 3 am to overthink. I do not expect people to know that I worry about what would happen to my girls if something happened to me. God forbid that would happen but it is a concern.
A have a running joke with a friend that we divorced, single moms live on the Island of Misfit Toys. We feel like we don't really belong with the married families. We don't fit in with the singles crowd. We have our own secluded island. One where we live with our kids and try our best to make happy lives. We welcome everyone who feels like they are a train with square wheels.
A solo parenting gig involves juggling so many things at once that it becomes exhausting. We do not have anyone to bounce ideas off of or help make decisions. Things are often repaired or decided with the help of You Tube or Google.
You find yourself researching for months before purchasing a car for your teenager. You don't want to buy something too new. It has to be safe. It cannot be a gas guzzler. A army tank is safe but not quite practical to park in a school parking lot.
It's a never ending, non-stop thought process in raising kids solo. Some days you feel like you conquered the world and accomplished so much only to realize that choice just landed you three steps back financially.
There is tuition to plan for. Unexpected school necessities. A new laptop for classes. Constant financial issues to balance.
Let's not give too much time to the mix of emotions that you deal with. We get all of them. The good, the bad and the ugly. And we try to manage all of them without losing our temper or becoming frustrated because if our own emotions get involved, you just added another temperature setting to the pressure cooker of emotions ready to blow.
And have I already said we don't get a break? Have I said it's exhausting? Have I said I pray a lot?
As tiring as it all can be, one thing that has happened is I have forged a deep relationship with my girls. The moment I realized I was in this alone, my parenting as well as my outlook at life took a completely different approach. Sometimes we have no choice in the cards we are dealt in life but we can choose to make the best of whatever hand we have been dealt.
I feel I am a much more effective parent now than when my kids were toddlers. The biggest difference is when I was married I lived and raised my girls on my own 90% of the time and that left me very resentful towards their dad. I let those feelings control me and it left me unhappy, intense and unapproachable to many people. While that behavior wasn't typical for me, it was the persona of who I had become.
It took about 10 years for me to realize I was the only parent they could depend on and that was when the change slowly occurred. I became very aware of my words and how they have power to give life or death. I became calm and at peace. I am not saying I am void of my high strung moments but overall I became more positive about life. I forged a new relationship with God.
While there is no one that can take the place of an absent parent, one person can make a difference in filling the empty space. I came to have peace with that fact after my former pastor reminded me that sometimes an absent parent is not a bad thing. So I will fill that void by any means necessary.
I have cheered the girls on in every event they have ever participated in. I know that when they look into the stands or audience, they will see my face and they smile. It brings joy to my heart and peace to theirs knowing their biggest fan is there.
Some nights I lay in bed at night when the rest of the house is quiet and I think about any selfish thoughts that may have taken over that particular day...
I wanted I break. I need a vacation from life. I'm exhausted.
I remind myself to try to enjoy all of these bad days because one day very soon this house will become too quiet.
The girls will venture out of my house and into the world. They will choose their own careers. They will make their own homes. They will raise their own families.
I hope they remember that no matter what we faced in life, that they can do things on their own. I pray they will both have someone who can love them and lead them well but I hope they always remember that they can be strong on their own.
While I am not writing this to have acknowledgement or praise, I do want to raise awareness. Single parents do need love and support. We keep a lot of things bottled up. Sometimes we just crave a hug just so we feel a little special.
If you are a single parent reading this, here's a virtual fist bump to you. You're doing a great job!
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