A Smorgasbord of Basic Beliefs

"Train children in the way they should go; when they grow old, they won't depart from it" Proverbs 22:6

Over the span of many weeks I have written down the ideas that evolved into this post. This morning these creative ideas came together in the form of basic beliefs. I have many thoughts regarding the beliefs I want instill in my girls. Some I learned from my parents when I was a teenager and some I have learned in the past few years.

One thing is constant. As parents, our children look to us for direction, instruction and an establishment of rules to follow. Every family is different in what rules they set in their house. I have learned by trial and error. Heavy on the errors.

I have never believed in a "cookie cutter" approach to rules so feel free to agree to disagree with what I am about to say.

• Monitor your child's social media especially if you have teens or pre-teens. What they post and project is for the public to see. Colleges and potential employers will look at their social media to see if there are any red flags. It is best to head off potential disaster before it smacks you in the face. I am not saying they will not secretly post things that are hidden from you but I will address that a little later.
• Teach you child early what is acceptable as far as friends or a future soul mate. If they choose friends that are a non-believer, you already have a huge hurdle if you are a believer. That is not something can be easily overcome. I am not saying people cannot convert and we should always pray for them but if you enter into a relationship (friends or romantic) with a non-believer, you are setting yourself up for a world of hurt. Ask the new friend where they attend church and if they don't, ask them why. I am not saying to judge them based on their religious affiliation but these are things you need to be aware of as a parent. These are people who could influence your children and the foundation you are trying to establish.
• Train them early to serve others. We live in such a "me, myself and I" society that so many people will not serve others unless there is something in it for themselves. We cannot send our children into the world to only think about themselves. That is called selfishness and we need to train our thoughts to think about others not just ourselves. We should be willing to do things to help and serve others not think about what is in it for me. Both of my kids have been on mission trips. I have served in many capacities as a volunteer. It is such a rewarding experience to give back to a community. I have shared many great moments with great people in the kitchen at our former church. I loved every minute of it!
• Secrets don't make friends. This is a fine line to walk. Yes I believe in privacy. Yes I believe in being open. My kids know my cell password and most of the time I remember theirs. Until my kids are old enough to pay for their own cell phone, then I have the right to see theirs if I ever suspect anything. Even though they do not pay for mine, I would not keep anything or view anything on my phone that I would keep a secret. They may have a DM or chat sent on their social media page that is hidden from the public eye. If they are saying or sending things that are inappropriate this is where you could possibly stop something from becoming an erupting volcano that you never knew existed.
• Set an example by what you share on your own social media. Here is where I may step on some toes. Don't post anything you would not allow your child to post. That means selfies, memes, jokes or anything else that you would ground your child for posting. Now men/dads/husbands, would you allow your teenage daughter to post a pic where she was scantily clad or not wearing anything? If the answer was no, then think about some of the pictures or websites you view. Same thing applies to women/moms/wives. If you don't want to see your child posting it, don't look at something similar with your own eyes. Your "likes" can be seen by others. Ouch!
• Establish a curfew. Yep, I went old school. I remember having a curfew that coincided by my grade level. 9:00 pm in 9th grade, 12:00 pm in 12th grade. Sometimes there may be special circumstances that are negotiable but those are on a case by case basis. Thankfully, I have been fortunate enough that I really haven't had curfew violation with my kids. I have been flexible and luckily most of the time they are at home and not running around. Thank goodness!!
• Don't tell lies. If you sew the seeds of dishonesty, you will have to reap what has been sown. If you openly lie in front of your kids, what message does that send? Do you want them to lie to you? If the answer is no you would not want your child to lie to you, then it's time to get honest with yourself. Lies always catch up with you. Maybe not today or tomorrow but they eventually will. 
• Educate them on the value of a dollar. Nothing in life is free. Even when a child is too young to earn money themselves they should respect what they have been given. If they destroy a toy or break their cell phone and we just automatically replace it, what message does that send? That everything in life is replaceable? I hope we put more value on our possessions and teach our children to work hard for them. Give them age appropriate chores. 
• Lastly, teach them to know that when they enter a romantic relationship, they should love exclusively. If they are dating, they shouldn't be dating the masses. It's not speed dating. It's not entering into a relationship with someone only until something better comes along. If there are red flags present, consider it a learning experience and move on. When you give your heart to someone, you should value that love and care for their heart. If it cannot be exclusive, then it shouldn't be anything at all. There should be some type of exclusive commitment present if you are using the words "I love you". If there is not, then do not say those three words. 
• Be open. Be open to discussion. Be open to communication. If you are parenting with the mind set of "it's going to only be my way", then you are closing the lines of communication with your children. Sometimes you should actively listen to what your child is trying to say and when they ask for an explanation try to give a valid reason and not just "because I said so". I realize that many rules are not up for discussion but pick and choose what you are willing to make compromises on. 

I hope I haven't completely lost you at this point. I hope you can read this and note the underlying humor because we all need to chuckle at the hard parts of parenting. We need to build each other up rather than point a finger at what went wrong. I hope you may have read this and realized you are not alone in parenting because by gosh it takes a village to raise these kids!

Maybe some of these points have made you stop and think or at least re-evaluate things you could be doing differently. Some of you may have completely checked out and decided that none of this applies to you. That's okay. It is perfectly acceptable to not see eye to eye on many of the beliefs I have shared.

If your kids are perfect in your eyes, good for you. You are an anomaly in the parenting world.


This is what has worked for our family of three. It's hard being a single parent. It's hard being a married parent. However in today's society our kids are exposed to many more things than I was at their age.

Even if you have made parenting mistakes, it is never to late to start over with whatever point you are at with your children. Start with yourself and become the person your kids look up to as a role model. How do you treat others? Your kids watch how you interact with people.

 If you would ground your child for doing something you deem inappropriate, then don't do it yourself. This should not be a "do as I say, not a I do" society.

It is up to us as Christian parents to change the direction our young people are headed. Create a legacy you can be proud of to be passed down from generation to generation.

I make parenting mistakes all of the time.

Being a parent a constant education in learning what works and what doesn't and what I can do better.

Being a parent is a constant reminder of two things that I love dearly. My girls.