I am heading to my college campus today which is about an hour and a half drive from home. Thank goodness for online classes! It has spared me hours on the road and the humilitaion of sitting in a traditional classroom with classmates that are young enough to be my own kids.
You see, I am the poster child for not knowing what I want to be when I grow up.
My junior year of high school, I was wrapped up in a boyfriend who I devoted my attention to for an entire year. After our breakup at the beginning of my senior year, I let him string me along for 2 years until I finally made the decision that it was not healthy for me to continue letting him back into my life.
College was the furthest thing from my mind. I was young, carefree and having fun with a heavy emphasis on fun. I really, really, really wanted to go to cosmetology school and become a hairstylist. I love anything that has to do with beauty which is evident today if you walk into my bathroom. It's almost an addiction.
The fact that I wanted to be a hairstylest did not set well with my mother. She was dead set against it. Period. End of discussion. My aunt was a beautician and my mother would always remind me that it wasn't steady income, you stood on your feet all day and my aunt was experiencing trouble with her shoulders from holding her arms up all day.
We went through all of the testing in high school that tells you what career path you should choose based on how you answered the questions. Every single test came back with hairstylist as the top 3 career choices along with nursing. Those test results never swayed my mothers decision. Cosmetology school was not an option.
In the fall after graduation, I enrolled in our local junior college to begin my basics. I really had no desire at all to be there. A friend of mine was sort of stuck in the same place as I was except she was supposed to room with another classmate from our graduting class that suddenly decided she was going to ditch college and get married. So, here we were attending the local college together and we didn't escape town with the majority of our friends.
My friend made the transition the next semester to the college that I am now enrolled in. At that time I decided that if I couldn't go to cosmetology school, the next best thing was A&M. I grew up in a family of Aggies and I was a fan so I would just hang in there until I could transition there the next fall.
I would often go visit my friend who was now living in a dorm on her campus. I would leave home after I would get off work from the part time job I had and drive that hour and a half to Stephenville to meet up with her and her new friends that she had met. That's where I got my taste of what it was like to be away from home.
I would end up making many drives up there to hang out with her, stay over in her dorm and get up at 6:30 AM to drive back home and make my 8 AM class. The word ratchet wasn't used yet but you can imagine what I looked like dragging into class those mornings.
My grades suffered as a result. That sememster was horrible for my GPA. To be honest, I really didn't care because it wasn't what I wanted to do anyway. I either wanted to be a hairstylist or go to A&M with my guy friends.
During this time I met the guy who would eventually become my husband. I will save that portion of the story for another post. It is another spin on confusion at college.
Needless to say, I eventally dropped out of college and went to work full time not knowing what I wanted to do with my life. Over the course of the next 25 years, I have changed my major 3 times and accumulated a lot of hours that have yet to put together a degree.
A couple of years ago, I started giving the idea of actually finishing a degree a thought. I just kept nagging at me until last year when I took the leap and decided to try adding a couple of courses that semester to get back into the mindset of a college student.
Today, I will drive up to my campus to make sure that I am on target to graduate in December of this year. Wow! I can't believe that in 11 months I will finally finish.
If I have one word of advice to give to college bound kids that are not sure of what they want to do, don't hesitate. Get enrolled and keep focused. I want my girls to experience life on their terms. I will guide them and mentor them but what they want to do when they grow up needs to be their decision.
Boyfriends and girlfriends will come and go. If you don't focus on yourself, no one else will. This is time to invest in YOU. Don't let your friends have influence over what is best for YOU. I let that happen way too many times.
Sometimes, the person you think is your friend or even bestfriend, may not have YOUR best interests at heart. They want you to do things that will also benefit them in the process. It took me too long to figure that out myself. Sometimes you need to unplug from everything and everyone to think things through to make a decision that is good for you and only you.
Yes, there will be days when you will be confused about the whole process of becoming an adult but if you stay focused, follow your heart and listen to those small words God whispers, you will find your way. Do not make quick decisions. Take the time to process things. Sometimes your emotions will lead you to make a decision or take action that you will later regret. Emotions can be powerful but use them to your advantage you will save yourself the heartache of "shooting from the hip". I wish I would have known that 25+ years ago.
It is not easy growing up. It takes hard work and determination. No one is going to hand it to you. You may try to rebel against the whole process but it will happen. You will grow up. You will be responsible. You will make choices, some bad and some good. But, let them be YOUR choices.
I always remind my girls and their friends, when you think you have no one to turn to or that no one understands what you are going through, you are wrong. I have been there and if they ever need someone who will not be judgemental and will not choose sides, they can always come to me.
I wish I would have had someone to talk to when I was growing up that didn't try to sound like my parents and would actually listen to what I was saying. You see my life didn't come with assembly instructions. It was up to me to figure out on my own.
So, three cheers to my college degree that is on the horizon! It has been a long, bumpy ride.
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