There Are Privileges Not Burdens

This has been one of those weeks. I have dreaded attending a retreat that is intended on strengthening my spiritual life. For the past two weeks, I have struggled to be enthusiastic about something I have prayed about for years. Every day I am thinking of ways to jump off this ship that is about to leave the port.

There are days where I would like nothing better than to throw my phone in the ocean, sit in a beach chair and stay there until someone finds me. I would hope that I could at least hide for 24 hours.

Now I can't fathom totally unplugging for 3 days. Why?

One day I was letting frustration get the best of me. It was spoiling my mood. I couldn't concentrate and at a time I should be very happy and thankful. I was feeling stressed, worried and anxious.

Why do I allow this to happen?

The first reason that comes to mind is that I am human. I am imperfect and flawed.

Sometimes I fail to direct my thoughts to Christ who gives me strength and never leaves me. I rely on my own strength and try to control circumstances rather than laying my burdens down.

How easy it is to forget that I am not alone.

After a night of restless sleep, I did wake up the next morning feeling somewhat better about attending. I did feel a sense of renewal but there was still something missing.

I usually have music playing when I get dressed in the morning and the first song in the shuffle que was by Hillsong United "Touch The Sky". I was reminded of something I was not willing to fully surrender which was the burdens that were stealing my peace.

My heart beating, my soul breathing
I found my life when I laid it down
Upward falling, spirit soaring
I touch the sky when my knees hit the ground

Find me here at Your feet again
Everything I am, reaching out I surrender
Come sweep me up in Your love again
And my soul will dance
On the wings of forever

Like a thump on my stubborn forehead, I was reminded that my life is filled with privileges.

I get to be a mom to two girls that are complicated and beautiful inside and out.

I get to go to work every day with some really wonderful people.

I get to volunteer my time and meet people that I wouldn't ordinarily cross paths with.

I get to be a daughter to the kindest woman I have ever met even if we don't always see eye to eye.

I get to make my own choices each and every day.

I get to go to church on Sunday and cry because our pastor will be leaving us soon.

I get to choose my circle of friends to share memories with even when we agree to disagree.

I get to experience failures because I don't give up easily.

I get to turn off my phone and be still for 3 days.

Okay, I get the message. It's not about my burdens, it's about looking at them as privileges.

Time to pack up this pity party and board the ship.

It's about knowing that in this walk I will never be alone. I am so very thankful that I am reminded of His love.

Psalm 56:11-13
I trust in God; I won’t be afraid. What can anyone do to me? I will fulfill my promises to you, God. I will present thanksgiving offerings to you because you have saved my life from death, saved my feet from stumbling so that I can walk before God in the light of life.