Insecurities and Perseverance

 

I looked at the Merriam-Webster dictionary and found two words that perfectly define me:

 

 "insecure"

• not confident about yourself or your ability to do things well: nervous and uncomfortable
• not certain to continue or be successful for a long time

"perseverance"

• the quality that allows someone to continue trying to do something even though it is difficult

All I could think at the moment was "WOW" this is me.

 

A few weeks ago, I found a book by Beth Moore called "So Long Insecurity: You've Been A Bad Friend To Us" and I have to admit that I downloaded it but have yet to begin the first chapter. I know that it is something I truly need to read but at the same time, I have become comfortable with my insecurities.

Does it even make sense that I want to abandon them yet cling to them?

This is where I need to persevere. This is the moment where I read the book and become uncomfortable in the refining process.

 

This brings back recent memories over spiritual characteristics. My quality without a doubt was perseverance. The majority of my adult life I have found myself digging myself out of a pit and continuing down a path.

 

This is a path that is filled with insecurities. What if I am not enough?

 

I am the first person to try to be positive even though my subconscious is creating doubts every step of the way. I can encourage others all day long until I'm exhausted but I fail to encourage myself.

 

A few days ago I was introduced to a woman who I immediately made my new lifelong friend. Over the course of 3 days and a few private moments of discussion, we found the reason why we were there. It was to form that connection with other women who share similar stories.

 

As we sat for 5 minutes alone in a candlelight filled chapel, I spilled part of my private story to her. She shook her head because she too had traveled a similar path. It was the next day that I was given the story of perseverance that I claimed as my spiritual definition that I can most relate to.

 

My new friend told me about the darkness that comes to steal our joy and I believe her. My darkness is insecurity.  

 

Each and every time I should be overflowing with joy, I find something to be insecure about. It's time that I rid myself of what I have clung to over the years and purge the dark insecurities.

 

This morning, one of my daily devotions reminded me of the very thing I am insecure about...the future. It was one of my favorite verses that I used last year in my testimony from Jeremiah 29:11:

 

  "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

 

I know that others share similar feelings regarding the future. If we just could have a glimpse of the future. If God could just show us a portrait of the questions that wreck our thoughts. Thoughts of future employment, homes, children, friends, relationships or finances that distract from the present.

 

The answer is no. It's not our time, it's His. The future is in His hands. It's His gift of the present that we need to sit back and enjoy like a chilled glass of Texas Well Water.

 

As I just wrapped up a call with my new friend, she reminded me to keep pressing forward and forget the past. So, it's time for me to read the first chapter and say "So Long Insecurity".

 

Friends, persevere and go run your race. Enjoy the sunshine and be a light in the darkness.