I remember the day when my oldest daughter was 3 and another little girl pushed her off a toy she was riding on. Big tears flowed and her feelings were genuinely hurt. This was a playmate of hers that she dearly loved but at that time it was confusing to her that someone she cared for could be mean to her.
Toddler minds are wired differently and it took every ounce of strength I could find to not grab the toy back to stop the tears from flowing down my little girls face. It was part of letting her experience hurt from someone she cared about. It was part of life.
The two would apologize within a few short minutes but at that time, her hurt was real. I'm sure her little mind didn't understand how her friend could be mean but being a child, their attention span is short.
By the afternoon, they were laughing and playing like nothing ever happened.
1 Peter 1:6 NLV "With this hope you can be happy even if you need to have sorrow and all kinds of tests for awhile."
We have all experienced these kinds of hurts. Maybe it happens to your child, a family member, friend or to yourself. Maybe you have been the one to hurt someone you never intended to hurt.
We cannot control the actions or words of others but we can control how we react to them.
Sometimes life makes us rushed and in that rush we may act or say things that are not taken the way intended. This is often the case with text and e-mail. Our tone or words may not be received as we planned.
Maybe we cut a phone call short. Maybe we just wave rather than taking 10 seconds to say hello.
In our hurried life, sometimes we don't take the time to make friends and family feel like they matter. If we are going to spread the love of Jesus to those around us, lets make sure that we also include the ones that we care for most. The ones that care for us the most.
We take the time to be kind to strangers because we would like for them to have a positive impression. Do we take the time to give that same kindness to those who are are biggest supporters?
I know I can be guilty of not taking the time to be a good family member or friend. I always know they will understand. But what if that was the last time we see each other again?
I am sure the families and friends left behind after all of these horrible shootings would like to have one more opportunity to tell their family member or friend that they are loved and that they matter.
Life can be rushed, we can get stressed but let's try to be patient and kind with those who we care for most. It can be a minute of your life that can make a difference to someone else.
That 1 extra minute could be priceless. Sometimes our time is better than a band aid.
Colossians 3:13-15 "Try to understand other people. Forgive each other. If you have something against someone, forgive him. That is the way the Lord forgave you. And to all these things, you must add love. Love holds everything and everybody together and makes all these good things perfect. Let the peace of Christ have power over your hearts. You were chosen as a part of His body. Always be thankful."
Tuesday, June 30, 2015
Wednesday, June 17, 2015
Can We Be Real?
To say that I have been jogging my memory lately would be an understatement. It's more like a marathon than a jog.
I have been creating a timeline of the events that shaped my life. All of them. The good, the bad and the ugly. It's not that I want to do this but more of I need to do this because I want so badly to keep moving forward and trust again.
I remember the time when Martha Stewart was my hero. So was Oprah. They both had these magazine cover lives that I envied. Their lives seemed picture perfect.
Trying my very best, I would imitate things I saw on their shows or in magazines in hopes that this was my golden ticket to a happy life. I made my own compost because Martha did it and it looked so easy! I read Maya Angelou because Oprah said it was the next book for her book club. I made myself crazy trying to create their version of perfection.
The reality was Oprah and Martha had hundreds of people to help them pull off perfection and they were never perfect themselves. Oprah openly discusses her struggles with weight and other issues and Martha went to prison.
The truth was my life was messy. A carefully constructed wall to hide the ugliness. Something makeup and dressy new clothes could not hide.
Colossians 3:13 MSG
So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It’s your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it.
I am leaving that version of messiness behind for another version. My own brand of messiness. The path that God has placed in front of me. The kind of messiness that makes memories and make you laugh until your sides hurt. Life that is filled with love.
Perfection is not here on earth.
I live in clutter. I downsized by about 1000 square feet. I have yet to completely unpack because we will be moving again soon. But, you know what? I like it!
Yes, some days it is frustrating to locate things or when you remember that it may be in a box in storage. It's challenging having 3 girls sharing 1 bathroom but we make it work. This is our life now and it's far from being the cover of a magazine. It's real, it's forgiving and it's loving.
I had to learn to let go of picture perfect perfection. It's not who I am and it's not real. Yes, my house needs to be vacuumed daily, there are dog toys everywhere, the girls rooms are a mess and my towels are not perfectly hung on the towel racks but that is who we are. Imperfect.
As soon as I think I have sorted, organized and decluttered, it all mysteriously reappears. A never ending cycle of chaos that has made me very comfortable.
The girls have welcomed more of their friends into our tiny duplex than in any other house we have lived in. I believe it is because we have become so comfortable that it makes others feel comfortable. It's filled with love and free from judgement.
So what if my patio furniture occupies 1/2 of my driveway because I don't have a backyard? It is still my quiet place or the noisy place where kids yell, park their bikes, shoot hoops or drive up and honk just to see if they can scare me. I like it!
I have embraced the fact that life on earth will never be perfect. It is that perfect love of Jesus that I now want to consume me. No fears, just love.
1 John 4:18
I have been creating a timeline of the events that shaped my life. All of them. The good, the bad and the ugly. It's not that I want to do this but more of I need to do this because I want so badly to keep moving forward and trust again.
I remember the time when Martha Stewart was my hero. So was Oprah. They both had these magazine cover lives that I envied. Their lives seemed picture perfect.
Trying my very best, I would imitate things I saw on their shows or in magazines in hopes that this was my golden ticket to a happy life. I made my own compost because Martha did it and it looked so easy! I read Maya Angelou because Oprah said it was the next book for her book club. I made myself crazy trying to create their version of perfection.
The reality was Oprah and Martha had hundreds of people to help them pull off perfection and they were never perfect themselves. Oprah openly discusses her struggles with weight and other issues and Martha went to prison.
The truth was my life was messy. A carefully constructed wall to hide the ugliness. Something makeup and dressy new clothes could not hide.
Colossians 3:13 MSG
So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It’s your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it.
I am leaving that version of messiness behind for another version. My own brand of messiness. The path that God has placed in front of me. The kind of messiness that makes memories and make you laugh until your sides hurt. Life that is filled with love.
Perfection is not here on earth.
I live in clutter. I downsized by about 1000 square feet. I have yet to completely unpack because we will be moving again soon. But, you know what? I like it!
Yes, some days it is frustrating to locate things or when you remember that it may be in a box in storage. It's challenging having 3 girls sharing 1 bathroom but we make it work. This is our life now and it's far from being the cover of a magazine. It's real, it's forgiving and it's loving.
I had to learn to let go of picture perfect perfection. It's not who I am and it's not real. Yes, my house needs to be vacuumed daily, there are dog toys everywhere, the girls rooms are a mess and my towels are not perfectly hung on the towel racks but that is who we are. Imperfect.
As soon as I think I have sorted, organized and decluttered, it all mysteriously reappears. A never ending cycle of chaos that has made me very comfortable.
The girls have welcomed more of their friends into our tiny duplex than in any other house we have lived in. I believe it is because we have become so comfortable that it makes others feel comfortable. It's filled with love and free from judgement.
So what if my patio furniture occupies 1/2 of my driveway because I don't have a backyard? It is still my quiet place or the noisy place where kids yell, park their bikes, shoot hoops or drive up and honk just to see if they can scare me. I like it!
I have embraced the fact that life on earth will never be perfect. It is that perfect love of Jesus that I now want to consume me. No fears, just love.
1 John 4:18
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
Wednesday, June 3, 2015
Places In This Momma's Heart
May seems like a month of celebrations. At least it is in my family.
We have many friends and family members celebrating birthdays in May, plus there is Mother's Day and the end of the school year. My oldest daughter and I both have birthdays in May. We jokingly say all good babies are born in May!
You can say last month was a special month in my heart. May is the month I first held a living, breathing child in my arms that I carried and protected for 9 months. Those long months were filled with daily shots and medication that would help me carry this precious baby to term.
During those years of anguish and struggling with infertility I did not rely on The One that never left me. God. Yes, I prayed but I lacked in faith. For many years I felt I was being punished for my past sins. I was terrified God would take away what I prayed for the most.
Recently I was asked to tell about my life achievements. I gave only one. Being a Mom. I am not a perfect mom but I am a mom to 2 lovely girls and I am proud to be called "Mom" or "Momma Kim" by many other kids that I know and love.
I think back to all the years I held so much envy and resentment in my heart toward the women who gushed about being pregnant or the moms who complained over lack of sleep, dirty diapers and spit up. Why couldn't I have all of those things that they complained about? Why was God punishing me?
I had prayed for forgiveness from my past sins so why wasn't God forgiving me?
It wasn't until many years later that I realized two very important things.
First, God doesn't answer prayers on my time line. We are on God's timeline and it wasn't that he was saying "no", he was saying "not yet".
God knows the life he has planned out for us. He has counted the hairs on our head and he knows what is best for us. Proverbs 19:21 says "Many are the plans in a person's heart but it the Lord's purpose that prevails".
I knew what was in my heart but I had to be patient and wait for my prayers to be answered.
Second, it wasn't God that was punishing me. I had asked for forgiveness and He had forgiven me the moment I lay my burdens down years ago. I was punishing myself. I was listening to all the things Satan had filled my head with and it was time I realized that God's word is the truth. It was time I regained my spiritual life and start over with a new perspective.
Embracing this fresh new start is an example of the many times God is working behind the scenes to keep me on the path He is laying in front of me.
I know in my heart God placed these precious children in my life at the time when I needed them the most. He knows what I need and when I need it.
Looking back in my prayer journal, I remebered the first time I went to pray at another local church. I had been struggling emotionally and it seemed as if I was sliding back into a pit where I had struggled for so long to dig myself out of. There was a precious little girl in the church that day and as I said hello to her though the tears in my eyes, she knew exactly what I needed. Love.
She climbed up in my lap and gave me the biggest and most honest hug at a time when I felt very broken. I know God sent me to that church that day and put that little girl there because that was exactly what I needed at the time. I kissed her on the head and told her she had just made my day.
Sometimes this Momma heart gives all the love she can to everyone around but at times, this heart just needs to be refilled with all the love God can give. Just when I need it the most.
1 John 3:20
We have many friends and family members celebrating birthdays in May, plus there is Mother's Day and the end of the school year. My oldest daughter and I both have birthdays in May. We jokingly say all good babies are born in May!
You can say last month was a special month in my heart. May is the month I first held a living, breathing child in my arms that I carried and protected for 9 months. Those long months were filled with daily shots and medication that would help me carry this precious baby to term.
During those years of anguish and struggling with infertility I did not rely on The One that never left me. God. Yes, I prayed but I lacked in faith. For many years I felt I was being punished for my past sins. I was terrified God would take away what I prayed for the most.
Recently I was asked to tell about my life achievements. I gave only one. Being a Mom. I am not a perfect mom but I am a mom to 2 lovely girls and I am proud to be called "Mom" or "Momma Kim" by many other kids that I know and love.
I think back to all the years I held so much envy and resentment in my heart toward the women who gushed about being pregnant or the moms who complained over lack of sleep, dirty diapers and spit up. Why couldn't I have all of those things that they complained about? Why was God punishing me?
I had prayed for forgiveness from my past sins so why wasn't God forgiving me?
It wasn't until many years later that I realized two very important things.
First, God doesn't answer prayers on my time line. We are on God's timeline and it wasn't that he was saying "no", he was saying "not yet".
God knows the life he has planned out for us. He has counted the hairs on our head and he knows what is best for us. Proverbs 19:21 says "Many are the plans in a person's heart but it the Lord's purpose that prevails".
I knew what was in my heart but I had to be patient and wait for my prayers to be answered.
Second, it wasn't God that was punishing me. I had asked for forgiveness and He had forgiven me the moment I lay my burdens down years ago. I was punishing myself. I was listening to all the things Satan had filled my head with and it was time I realized that God's word is the truth. It was time I regained my spiritual life and start over with a new perspective.
Embracing this fresh new start is an example of the many times God is working behind the scenes to keep me on the path He is laying in front of me.
I know in my heart God placed these precious children in my life at the time when I needed them the most. He knows what I need and when I need it.
Looking back in my prayer journal, I remebered the first time I went to pray at another local church. I had been struggling emotionally and it seemed as if I was sliding back into a pit where I had struggled for so long to dig myself out of. There was a precious little girl in the church that day and as I said hello to her though the tears in my eyes, she knew exactly what I needed. Love.
She climbed up in my lap and gave me the biggest and most honest hug at a time when I felt very broken. I know God sent me to that church that day and put that little girl there because that was exactly what I needed at the time. I kissed her on the head and told her she had just made my day.
Sometimes this Momma heart gives all the love she can to everyone around but at times, this heart just needs to be refilled with all the love God can give. Just when I need it the most.
1 John 3:20
Even if our hearts condemn us, God is greater than our hearts and knows all things.
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