The Invisible Act of Grace

Do you ever feel as though you are invisible? Like what you have to say or how you feel are insignificant? Like you are nothing?

I have been there. I found myself being a third party of a conversation but as harsh words were exchanged, I wondered "Why am I here?"

It was if they were having the conversation and I was merely there for entertainment purposes. When I spoke, it was not acknowledged. I was the third wheel.

I stood there feeling completely insecure and insignificant. It was painful.

Jesus doesn't see us that way. He sees us as worthy children who are valued. He listens to what we have to say even when we may think He is too busy to listen.

During those times when you feel undervalued, always remember that with God you are priceless.

How I am feeling is not who I am. God sees my hurt.

You are important and what you have to say is important.

It is a constant reminder that the enemy works overtime producing those feelings that make us feel less than zero. When these thoughts and feelings start to bubble, this is when I say "Jesus, be my shield". It may be said several times during the day until that shield is fulling engaged and my mind is set back where it belongs.

Going through the wilderness may seem like a long, exhausting journey. For some the wilderness lasts for many seasons and others may find their journey only lasts a little while. God will not keep you in the wilderness.

When that journey takes you to a place where you feel invisible and insignificant, always remember the hope that God's word gives us:

1 Peter 1:6
You now rejoice in this hope, even if it is necessary for you to be distressed for a short time by various trials

The way we feel, our emotions, do not give us a free pass to treat others with the same hurt we may be feeling. This is the time when we have to dig deep and do the opposite of how we feel in that moment of hurt.

Jesus did not leave me in the wilderness. He was with me and stayed with me as a friend does.

I prayed constantly for this issue to be resolved, for eyes to be opened and any selfish motives be removed. I prayed to forgive them. It burned in my heart and in my mind for weeks.

The day finally came when I had my own selfish thoughts revealed.

I was so angry over this incident that one morning as I was running I had a horrible thought. I said to myself "I would just like to jab a nail in her tire and teach her a lesson. I want her to experience some type of distress". I knew my thoughts were not aligned with God's word but I could justify it because I carried this anger and hurt.

Two hours later, God gave me my wake up call. My low tire light came on. Yep! I received what I had wished on someone else like a boomerang.

I was the one who received the nail and that is when I knew I had to change my prayers over this matter.

At that moment, my prayer for them became filled with blessings. I needed to let go of my own selfish hurt and choose to turn it over to the Lord.

Several months after this encounter that left me feeling like nothing, I was surprised when I received an apology 4 days from the time I decided to change the way I was praying.

In my heart, I knew I was carrying bitterness, anger and hurt feelings. I shed many tears and asked God to help me get through this time.

I will not forget the incident but through the act of grace, I accepted the apology.

Friends, always remember that we have to be patient. God does not leave you in the dark places to suffer, He takes you there to make you grow.

I'm Not That Person

As  a little girl, I would sit and daydream about my future. I drew countless pictures of my dream house, inside and out. I planned my wedding by listing my bridesmaids based on who ranked as my favorite friends.

How simple life was back then. The dreams. The future. The innocence.

Year after passing year, those dreams changed. A sort of reality took its place.

I still remained a dreamer but those dreams began to take a different shape. They began to mature and become real.

My first job.

My first car.

My first love.

My first broken heart.

My house plans sit on a shelf collecting dust.

All of the swirling dreams of a little girl began to shift to worries of a young woman. The place is set where fantasy collides with reality.

So, how do we as grown ups keep dreams alive?

It begins with searching your heart. What dream has God placed within you? Are you pursuing your dreams?

I know for me, keeping the dream alive takes a great amount of stillness and soul searching not to mention the part where I have to demonstrate self control and give up my own selfish thoughts. It is so hard to dive deep into yourself and become totally honest.

What is even harder is to be patient and not try to control the pace. It makes me want to clinch my fists and scream. Why do dreams have to be so hard for me? Why am I so afraid to fail? Why does this path seem so narrow and crooked? Why Lord why do I feel like I take 1 step forward and 2 steps back? Why does my mind keep searching the past for answers rather than looking toward the future? Why do I seem to be stuck in the hard places?

Yes, I am truly grateful for all that I have and praise Him but he also sees a very ugly side of me. The one that asks the hard questions, has doubts and worries but never fails to tell Him that I love Him and to be patient with me. I am truly doing the best I can on this path called life.

If you are searching your dreams, try to begin by focusing on the positive things then move to the middle and include any murky, swampy, waters that you are afraid to cross on your own. End that search with thankfulness. Become thankful for the ugly middle that brought you to this very honest search and conversation with Christ. Give thanks that He is on this journey with you and you are not alone.

I am not that person who gives up the dream. I want to keep my dreams alive.

I am not that person who doesn't ask questions. My mind continually thinks.

I am not that person who I once was. I want to be this new version.

Life has changed me. It has made me a little broken, a little lonely, a little scared and a little empty but also a little healed and able to share a little bit of love.

I am that person who is a little rough around the edges. Some days I fail to see all the goodness as pursue my dreams so Lord please keep making me.

Acts 15:7-9 (NIV)
After much discussion, Peter got up and addressed them: “Brothers, you know that some time ago God made a choice among you that the Gentiles might hear from my lips the message of the gospel and believe. God, who knows the heart, showed that he accepted them by giving the Holy Spirit to them, just as he did to us. He did not discriminate between us and them, for he purified their hearts by faith.