I like lemons. I like lemon flavored things in the spring and summer. Lemon cake, lemonade, lemon pie, lemon chill and the tea I make that is half lemonade/half tea.
Lemons by themselves can taste bitter or sour.
Some days, life can be bitter or sour. There are some days I am very bitter but I put on my brave face and face the world. My bitterness is tucked away like dirt swept under the rug. No one wants to see a bitter person.
During those days when life seems to be handing me a bag of lemons, I turn to one of my favorite scriptures from Joshua 1.
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go"
How can I remain bitter when God is with me? I know I can be strong and courageous but some days I just want to be bitter. This is the Enemy getting into my thoughts. He is trying to bring the thoughts back into my mind that I am unworthy and disposable.
For many months, I have been working on regaining my self esteem and confidence. I look back at my prayer journal on days when I feel bitter and see how far I have come in 6 months. Then I become proud of how many steps forward I have taken. It is so easy to let the Enemy take over my thoughts if I am not careful and take steps backwards.
On a recent visit with my counselor, she planned a session to work on my lack of self esteem. I sat there and said silently "Dear God, help me". He did. I struggled at times and wept as I tried to find the words to explain what my drawing of a tree meant. I looked up a few times to see tears in her eyes as she sat and watched me struggle through some difficult emotions. She was giving me the grace that I needed to make me not feel judged and the compassion I needed to work through that exercise. In the end, she asked about the trunk of my tree. I confidently stated that the trunk was stable and strong. That was me! Stable and strong, able to withstand hurricane force winds.
If you can sympathize with the struggles, I urge you to look up a Bible Study called "Your Life Still Counts: How God Uses Your Past To Create A Beautiful Future" by Tracie Miles. There has not been one chapter that hasn't reduced me to a puddle of tears. It is so difficult some days to see myself as a beloved daughter of God.
I have to remind myself that healing does not happen overnight. It is a gradual process. I take baby steps so that I don't feel like I am a failure which makes me take a step back. I refuse to take a step back so I remain steady on my path to a beautiful future filled with peace, hope and love.
I have so much love and kindness to give to others and it excites me to see that part of my future. I love to help others even when they have nothing to offer in return. That is what makes my heart full.
There is no better feeling in the world to feel accepted and loved. The innocence of a child come to mind. They are not bitter. They are happy, laugh, run and have no worries. They sleep at night because they trust.
During Lent, my church gave out red stones to symbolize the blood that was shed for us. I gave one away to someone who helped me on a day when I felt unworthy and disposable to remind them that Jesus loves them too. I replaced the one I gave away and sometimes I get it out of my purse and simply touch it to remind me that I am loved.
The next time bitterness tries to creep into your mind, be aware that it is the Enemy at work and fall into the words of God that speak the truth.
You are worthy. You are loved. You have a purpose.
"Finally, let's draw near to the throne of favor with confidence so that we can receive mercy and find grace when we need help" Hebrews 4:16
http://www.incourage.me/
